Reaching for the Light

New blog, new location

2011-01-26T21:51:00.000-06:00

Hey, if you stumble upon this old blog, check out my new one at www.esauproject.com.

Be blessed!

Windows

2009-06-14T21:00:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I find it truly amazing the way God speaks to me through the simple and seemingly mundane things. I washed my car today. Exciting stuff, I know, but on my way home my windshield was so clean it was like it wasn't there. All of the bugs were gone for the 12 miles home, and it was like I was finally seeing the things that I was really supposed to be seeing.

I know it's kinda weird, but on my way home I was wondering why I didn't clean my windshield more often. It's like when there are so many dead bugs and just dirt on it, you have to look through all of the gunk on there and then you still just get a distorted view of what you're really supposed to be looking at.

Most of the time I find myself focusing on what I don't have. I try and look through other peoples' lives or how someone says I should be living my life and through that I tend to focus on what I don't have and everything I'm not and everything that I've never achieved. You know how sometimes the sun can catch just wrong on a spot on your window and all of the sudden it's right in your eyes, and you really can't see through it? That's how I've felt recently.

My little brother got married last weekend. It was a beautiful ceremony. I love my little brother and my new sister-in-law, but it's on those days that my being alone hurts.

I'm showing a ton of houses, but I haven't been able to get an agreed-upon price to even have a sale pending. It will get there, I know, but it just seems like it's taking forever.

Quite a few of my friends were gone this weekend or had other plans, and I had nowhere to go. Sure, I needed to be home and relax, but it's nice to have an option sometimes.

I've been housesitting quite a bit lately. It's some much-needed extra cash, and it gets me out of my parents' house for a few days, but the problem with that is it makes me wish I could go back to my own place rather than being grateful that I have a place to go.

Little spots on my windshield that distort my vision and make me have to squint and turn my head just to try to get a good look where I'm going and see what I'm really supposed to be seeing.

But as I was driving home tonight it hit me. I need to keep on top of keeping my "windshield" clean...literally and figuratively. Literally, it just makes it so much nicer to drive and just be able to see where I'm going! Figuratively, I need to keep my mind and heart clean from what this world is telling me and what I know to be the Truth. And it just can't be every now and then. I've got to dig in and think on what is true and pure and lovely, the things that God has for me...not that things that I don't have. Probably most of the things that I was talking about up above could possibly make me completely miserable.

Anyway, that's about it. I just had these thoughts as I was driving home tonight and thought I would share!

Father, help me to focus on what is true and good and not what makes me feel lacking. Amen.

Love Wins

2009-04-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Was having fun experimenting the other night. This one was my favorite!

I am invincible...as long as I'm alive

2009-02-24T20:45:00.002-06:00

Or so the song by John Mayer goes.

Wow. It's tax season. I'm working from 8-4 at the title company, and then 4-7 at the tax office. My days are long and exhausting, but at the end of tax season, I'll have my 2007 taxes paid off and have that debt long behind me. I'm pretty excited about that. I've also got a gentleman that told me he'd buy my car as soon as he gets his tax refund. I'm pretty excited about that! If everything works out, that means that within the course of the next month or so, I'll have my car paid off, my taxes paid off, and a couple of other little bills that are just annoying me paid off and will be able to make some serious progress with the rest of my bills. I've calculated that if everything goes according to plan, I'll have nothing but a note at the bank and my student loan within a period of five or six months...and this is very exciting. I've also got two offers to house-sit. I was supposed to do it this coming week, but I think plans have changed, but I couldn't think of a better opportunity...go to work and get paid from 8-4 and the from 4-7 and then go to the home and get paid to sleep! These are the kind of jobs I love! I also have another person wanting me to house-sit for them for three weeks in the summer. Again, I'm pretty excited about that.

There are some other changes going on in my life. I'm not really up for blogging about them right now. They're positive changes. I still haven't lost any weight since Christmas, and have actually gained 3 pounds, but I'm stepping it up this week. My goal is to post a couple pictures up here within the next month to let you see my progress. I'm pretty excited and very happy with my life at this time, however, I'm not content. Does that make any sense? I keep moving forward, which as believers, I think is our job, to keep moving forward and onward towards the goal ahead of an eternal life in Heaven. Unfortunately, sometimes I get so busy with life down here, that I forget that the Kingdom of Heaven is all around me and there's work to be done here.

I wonder if any of this is making sense or am I just rambling? I'm kinda tired :-D

Hey, please pray for my friends Brian and Tina. They're going through a really tough time right now and could use any and all prayers! Love you all!

no pics this time!

2009-01-12T20:15:00.002-06:00

Sorry no pictures this time! I decided on an actual post. I'm not really sure what to post about, but I thought I'd just sit down and start typing and see what comes up. First of all, in the music department, I definitely recommend Hillsong's new CD "This is Our God." One of their previous ones, "Mighty to Save," was one of my favorites, but this one is quickly becoming my new favorite! You definitely need to check it out!

My work is still going really well, and I still love it. I didn't lose any weight during the Holidays, but on the upside, I didn't gain any either. I'm still at 27 pounds lost. My goal is to lose 50 more by my birthday, which is June 12, so that's entirely doable.

On another note, I'm selling my car. So if you know of anyone who wants a 2003 Honda Element in excellent condition, let me know. I've figured the finances, and if I sell the car, I'll be able to move out in a couple months after wrapping up a few things here with still no rent. Also, there's some apartments a block from work, so I can move in there and walk to work every day and save on gas. I'm really looking forward to it, so I'd really love any assistance you could give in helping the matter along!

I think that's about it for now. I'll post some pictures of me up here soon to show off my hot new bod...lol Okay. Maybe just me 30 pounds smaller! Hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day!

Our Christmas tree

2008-12-16T21:15:00.003-06:00

I thought I'd show you all our Christmas tree. It's crooked and misshapen but I still kind of like it...especially in my pictures!

nothing doing

2008-12-07T16:27:00.002-06:00

So there's really nothing and everything going on right now. Nothing spectacular to blog about and really too busy to blog about nothing, but here goes. I noticed that it had been a while for me to update, but not as long as some of you all...ahem Herschel ahem. Christmas is quickly approaching and I'm about done with shopping and looking forward to spending time with my family and playing games and all that fantastic stuff. A lot of things have been changing around here in my life. New nephew, new job, which is kind of old news now, but oh well. Just good changes. Hope you all are doing the same! If I don't update by Christmas, I wish you a blessed one!

class photography

2008-11-17T22:23:00.007-06:00

First of all, I didn't go to Nashville. My brother and sister-in-law and niece and nephew decided to come for a visit, so I couldn't miss that. Now my next free weekend is in April...I'm shooting for a cruise. We'll see! Secondly, I'm taking a photography class, and we get to display one photograph up in the library, so I'm asking for your help to choose one. Just vote on the ones I've posted on this post just to let me know what you vote. Thanks!

that restless stirring

2008-11-02T13:58:00.002-06:00

So I've decided I'm going to run away this coming weekend. Don't really know where yet. I'll probably end up in Nashville...sorry Nancy. I don't want to fly 'cause it's only for the weekend and it's a lot of cash that I don't really have extra, so two nights in a hotel and a tank or two of gas will do me just fine...lol I don't know what it is about me, but I get these restless stirrings quite often. It's like I just want to run away, but not run away if you know what I mean. I just need a break from life in Fairfield, I guess. I want to go where I don't know anyone and probably won't see anyone I know. Before I've never had the extra money to do it, but now I do, so here I head out on my own for a weekend of probably laying in the hotel bed reading and just listening for that still small voice.

Last week marked one year that I've been back at my parents' house. I'd planned on six months, but then changed jobs and changed lives and just am in a better place but still not where I need to be financially to move out on my own. Emotionally, I'm more than ready...at least I think...lol

Anyway, I'm on the search for a really nice cheap hotel on priceline. I'll let you know how the trip is. I'm taking a photography class, so I'll probably be taking some pictures down there so I'll post them on here. I've got a few I'm going to post for class this week, so that will be fun...be looking for the post!

what's shakin' bacon?

2008-10-18T11:22:00.003-05:00

That is my favorite way to answer the phone when Nancy Rush calls me. Cheesy, I know, and she hasn't been Nancy Bacon for years, but I still love it. Anyway, Nancy Rush was in Illinois this weekend and decided to stop by the pumpkin patch for a little visit with her beautiful daughter and a whole crew. In my last post I mentioned that I would try to post some pictures letting you see how I'm doing on the weight-loss thing, so I decided to post one of me and Nancy, because if you notice, Nancy looks pretty darn good, too! Have a wonderful day!

whoa!

2008-09-17T21:20:00.002-05:00

Hey, there folks. I guess I still have folks that read this, right? Anywho, nothing and everything has been going on. Went to my 10-year class reunion last weekend. Doesn't seem like it's been that long. I've been working 7 hrs a day at the title company, which I still love, then coming home and working 2 or 3 more on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm still doing my greeting cards at Wal-Mart, but I believe I'm going to officially quit that tomorrow. In November I'm going to start working about 20 hrs a week at H&R Block and be the "night manager," I guess. Basically, I'm going to be the only one who has done any taxes before that will be there at night. Good times, huh?

Oh, also, I've started a diet. I'm on week five. As of now I've lost 15 pounds. I started out losing a lot in the first two weeks, and then I started working out and only lost 1 1/2 lbs the next two. I think my muscles were so atrophied that any strength training I could do was going to help and gain me muscle weight. Last week I lost two, so I think I'm at least getting somewhere with it. I've also started running a half mile every morning. I still haven't run the whole thing, but I'm okay with that. I'm to the point now that I don't feel as good if I don't run before I head to work, so I'm counting that as a good thing. Monday, though, I'm starting an actual running plan to be able to run 3 miles in 9 weeks. It's called couch-to-5k, and you can find it on http://www.coolrunning.com/. It sounds like a good deal, so I'm at least going to give it a go. I'll let you know how it works!

I'd love to post a before and after picture, but I don't really have any good ones that show me before. I think the one up above is the best one I've got...plus it shows my niece! Anyway, as I go along, I'll post some more, but this time I'll pose for them...lol

Hope you all are having wonderful Septembers! Isn't this weather fantastic!

Just some random pictures I've taken lately...

2008-08-17T15:42:00.005-05:00

My awesome nephew...and a Cub fan!

My equally awesome niece!
I thought this pic was so fun!
My favorite picture of all time!
Caroline was having a blast!

read it...

2008-08-04T22:03:00.003-05:00

...then we'll talk.

Actually, we can talk a little bit now. It's hard to imagine that this book could cause controversy, but i guess whenever you introduce the idea of unconditional love and never-ending grace, people get angry. Oh, well. If you've read it, let me know your thoughts!

I owe you an update

2008-07-13T23:04:00.003-05:00

I wanted to start off with a picture of my day today. It was a great day. My friend Chase decided to build a slip and slide for adults. It was about 10-15 feet wide and about 300 feet long. Everyone had a blast. Hope you have a wonderful day!

So here it is! I officially have a new job, and I officially start Wednesday! Boo-freaking-yeah! I took my last deposition last Wednesday, and have been finishing up on some housekeeping things and start at Fairfield Abstract and Title in two days. I'm not all sure what it's all going to entail, but I do know that it's real estate and titles and title histories, and from working in there a day last week, I'm really going to like it. I'm a geek. So sue me.

In the days after my last post it just became clear to me that God was leading me another direction. I'm all about new directions. It's exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. I didn't know things could be like that. I knew roller coasters were supposed to be, but I think they're just terrifying.

I'll be better at updating and letting you know how the new job is going. All I know is that I should only drive about 120 miles a week to and from work. That's what I drove in a day before. I'm ready for that gas money savin'!

Of rainbows and trials and things

2008-06-29T20:27:00.004-05:00

(I took both of these pictures tonight...the rainbow in the eastern sky and the other in the western!)

I had a bad day yesterday. I'm not going to get into all of it on here, but it was a bad day...and a good day. I've been "offered" another job. That's very cool. it's here in Fairfield. It's kind of the ball's in my court deal, which is always a good thing. I don't know if they'll be able to afford me, though. We shall see. I think I'd really like to do it. That was Friday, I guess. Went boating Saturday. It was good times.

Then I went to a work party.

I love the people I work with. They're crazy. They're great. And did I mention they're all crazy? Well, they are. I've never really fit in, but I've always fit, if that makes sense. Last night I was kind of an outsider. They would have never have noticed it, but I certainly did. It's almost like I don't belong there anymore, which is highly possible with these job offers coming about that I've just emotionally disconnected. Who knows. All I do know is that it hurt. And the one person I knew would understand did. She's my rock. Thanks, girl.

I got home last night and found out that my landlord who told me I had to move out of my house by October 31, 2007, so he could move in then, and who has only been to the house twice since then for a day at a time, more than likely isn't going to move back into his house. Deep in the back recesses of my mind I knew that he wouldn't, but I really hoped he would so I would feel that there was some physical reason I was living in my parents basement for 8 1/2 months now. I know there's a spiritual plan and reason, but last night I wanted to hear nothing of it. I was mad. I'm still mad. I'll get over it, though.

It's kinda crazy. It's been probably a year or so since I've seen a good rainbow. The past month I've seen three double rainbows. It's beautiful. They've always come after bad storms. The main thing I've noticed about them is that they're the brightest when the clouds are the darkest. If the sky starts to clear, the rainbow disappears. It's one of God's most beautiful metaphors? analogies? Not sure which word is the right word there. The rainbow is a symbol of God's promise. I haven't really thought of it too long, but in the moments I have been thinking I've realized that it could be the only promise of God that we can physically see on a fairly regular basis. I could be totally off on that, but I'm not that worried about it. The point I'm trying to make is that it's a physical beautiful promise of God, and the only times we can see a real rainbow and not just one we've created is when the clouds are darkest and the storms nearing its end.

Honestly I've needed to see these rainbows lately. I've been so confused and torn between what I know and love and what could be what I know and love. I've also been hurting realizing that my past pain and mistakes are what is quite possibly keeping me from taking this next step. Maybe that's God's whole plan, to make me get my butt in gear and just deal with it and get it taken care of. But then again maybe His plan is to have me take that step of faith and just trust...blindly. I don't know. I'm just going to have to take it one day at a time. From where I'm at, it's the only choice I've got.

Another thing about rainbows that I've noticed lately is people. That probably doesn't make sense, but Friday night I was driving down to the cabin in Shawnee and going through Carrier Mills when the rainbow was out and bright. Just about every house had a person standing in the yard or on the porch looking up at it. I called Melissa and Chase. Just tonight with this rainbow, I got two text messages and a phone call telling me about it. Do you think people realize that they're staring smack dab in the face of God's promise? They're so drawn to it, and I'd bet that they don't even realize what it is that draws them to it. It's beauty. It's grace. It's the promise of a better day. It's hope. It's love. It's a visual reminder of God's never-ending promise and love He has for us.

I had looked up some verses Friday sometime dealing with contentment, and then Saturday night I felt the most discontent I've felt in a really long time. Funny how that works. Anyway, I'd like to share them with you. You've probably read or heard them before, but it never hurts for a refresher. Plus, this is what I'm praying for, and I'd really appreciate the prayers for the same! It's Philippians 4:11-14 first in the NIV version and then second from The Message.

NIV -- "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty of in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

The Message -- " Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."

If you say go...

2008-06-26T21:47:00.002-05:00

So I need some more money. It's amazing how the stupid things you do in your past can come back to haunt you. I spent money. It made me feel better, sort of a drug, if you will. If I had not racked (is that how you spell that) up that credit card debt, moving do Denver would be feasible on the amount of money they would offer me. After crunching numbers with Melissa we found that just in a rough budget that it would take me $65 more a month to live out in Denver than it would here in Fairfield. That's losing all of my court reporting expenses, gas and the like and gaining actual "living" expenses in Denver. I don't think that's a bad increase. However, they're just not offering me enough money. The benefits package sounds great. I've never had medical, dental, or a 401k, and it all sounds so appealing.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask for more money. Plus, by the time they need me, I might have a couple of these annoying bills paid off and be able to have some extra cash laying around to put towards living out there, you know, in the Mile High City and all.

The truth is, though, that I could be perfectly happy there, I believe, but I also believe that I could be perfectly happy here. Could I be content here? Sometimes I think yes; sometimes no. I think it's more of where I'm at financially that's making me discontented, so why would I move to a city where my financial situation would be slightly worse? Realistically, I just think that would make me more discontented, don't you think? So that's where the asking for more money comes in. I think if it will work out, it will work out that there's an incredible way for me to get out there...two years or more after I sent the resume.

I also told my boss today about the decision. She was okay with it for the most part. She knew that I had always talked about teaching, so that was kinda cool. It actually emotionally took a huge load off of my shoulders. If I didn't like and respect her so much, then I probably wouldn't have bothered, but she's pretty cool and deserves that kind of respect. So I'm hoping that was the right decision and I didn't stress her out too much. i also explained the whole probably-not-going-to-happen-unless-they-offer-more-money situation, so I think she's probably thinking that I won't be leaving for a while...lol

Anyway, Jennifer Q gave me a CD for my birthday, which was totally unexpected. She was at a church camp and liked the worship leader's music and she said when she heard her, she just thought of me and got me the CD. Not only got me the CD, though, but evidently stood in line to have it autographed by the artist, which is Amy Nobles. She's a totally awesome voice. On this CD is the song I will have sung at my wedding, whenever that comes around, but this song I'm going to give you some lines from in a minute. There's some chords that go with it and all that jazz that you should check out on the website. It's a totally great album, and I would probably recommend it to just about anyone that loves old hymns and just good worship. It's kind of reminiscent of Songs From The Loft.

So, anyway, that's my update. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll keep you updated on all the happenings! Here's If You Say Go, written by Diane Thiel and recorded on the album that I heard by Amy Nobles!

**
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You.
**

Even more interesting, at least I think!

2008-06-21T13:37:00.002-05:00

So wow. Thursday morning a lady from the Denver Academy of Court Reporting calls me and wants to talk to me about teaching sometime in the future at their school. I missed the call because I was indisposed, but she said to call her back. I probably wouldn't be able to get ahold of her Thursday, but try, and then try Friday again. I didn't get ahold of her Thursday. I spent the whole day a ball of nerves. It was actually pretty crazy. All these thoughts kept going through my mind. What if Denver is where I'm supposed to go? What would I do without my friends being 10 minutes away? Could I leave my family? I was also thinking that since she called me back so quickly that they were needing someone by the June 30 date that she had spoke of in her email. I don't know about you, but when I get stressed my stomach gets unsettled and stays that way for a while. Not a fun time.

So I finally get myself calmed down enough to figure out that I'm overreacting (also with the help of talking to some friends that said I'm overreacting) and also with the help of some medicine to help stop my "stomachache." Then I call this lady again on Friday morning. We start out the conversation with her asking me where exactly Fairfield is in Illinois because she grew up in Belleville/St. Louis area. How crazy is that The good part is is that they're covered for this June 30 quarter. Let me tell you a little bit about this job. This is the really good part. Monday - Thursday 8:15 - 1:30 and Monday - Wednesday 5:45 - 9:30, some combination of that. It consists of 30 hrs of teaching and 10 hrs of prep time. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off every week. Every three months there's a week off. Basically, if I'm short on cash, I can work part-time somewhere over the weekend. If I'm homesick, I've got three-day weekends and a week off every three months. Sounds pretty cool to me.

The base salary is just a little more than I'm making here, though, is the only problem. I don't know if it's negotiable or not. I haven't got that far in talking to the lady. There are benefits, which I've never had before, so I don't know how that would factor into the equation. The main extra expense would be the apartment and utilities, of which I'm paying none now, but I'd be losing a lot of gas expense, which would be really good. Maybe I could get a few bills paid off and save a couple hundred dollars a month, which would be really good. The main thing I keep going back to now, though, is that I make more than enough money now to pay my bills. The problem is is that it's never steady income. This would be steady and a little bit more money. I've got a number-cruncher friend. We're going to sit down and figure some stuff out and really see what I'm looking at in terms of how much it would take to move out there and what I would need in reserve until I could get my first paychecks rolling in.

Anyway, it's an interesting situation. It's exciting and terrifying all in the same little email and phone call. I know I'm strong enough now to be able to move out there on my own. I also know you all would always take me back here if it didn't work, so that's good. I'd appreciate you keep on praying for me 'cause I just need to dig into this. Even if it doesn't work out into anything, this is something I need to look into. Thanks for listening to my discombobulated thoughts. I've gotta go now...I think the medicine's wearing off! ;-)

Interesting...very interesting

2008-06-16T18:38:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. There's actually been quite a bit going on, but I won't bore you with all the little details. Work's been good. I've about decided that if I get a 9-5 job here in town, then I won't be able to show houses in the daytime, and that would kinda suck since I paid all this money to get this real estate gig. So I had decided that I was going to be completely content with where I'm at, because where I'm at right now is a stepping stone to something greater, and I'm all about greater. Not making me greater (I know...I forget a lot of times), but making others greater and in the process making God greater. At least that's the plan. So, yeah, I had decided all that, that I was going to be content with where I was at the moment and then I check my email. About two years ago I applied for a court reporting instructor position in one of three locations. The three locations were Jacksonville, FL; Orlando, FL, and Denver, CO. I was at a point in my life when I was just ready for something new and wanted to just run far, far away, so I applied for the jobs, never to hear anything again. Today in my email there's a note inviting me to update my resume and application because there's an instructor position open in the Denver, CO school. Of the three locations, Denver is the place I'd rather go. Hmm. The problem was this new quarter starts June 30. So I sent in my updated resume with a sidenote saying that June 30 would really be too soon for me to pack up and move across the country, but I would appreciate being considered for any future positions.

Did I do the right thing? Who knows. I just thought I'd throw the line out and see if God tugged. Is Denver where God is leading me? Heck if I know. All I know is that if it is, I want to be willing and able and open.

So about that able part. I looked at apartments online in the suburb that this school is located in...Westminster, CO. With rent and utilities I'm looking at about 600-700 a month. I'm living free and can barely afford my rent...lol Actually, though, I don't think I'd have a problem with my bills if I had some sort of steady income, as long as it was enough to cover the bills, obviously. So here I am. Ready to try to be perfectly content -- and was actually feeling that way -- and now have something new to consider.

Interesting...very interesting.

I would appreciate any prayers you can think to pray about the situation. God is good, and he'll provide a way if there's to be a way. He'll also block the way if I'm supposed to stay here. Plus, they haven't offered the job, but the thought of a new start somewhere far, far away? That sounds pretty good to me, too!

Ouch!

2008-05-28T23:08:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to keep this thing updated, but I can't seem to get a handle on it right now. Things are busy in Julietown. For right now, though, I can't decide if I want the title of this blog to describe the pain in my neck and back or the pain in feel in my wallet while filling up with gas. Honestly, folks, I know I've talked about quitting my job before, but it's going to become a necessity soon, and I didn't want to have to quit my job. I wanted to want to quit my job, if that makes sense. On a bright note, though, I should be a licensed real estate agent within the month. I'm kinda excited about that! Hopefully I can sell a couple houses and pay off some of this debt and relieve this stress in my neck...lol One really good thing about my chiropractic treatment that I'm receiving right now is she's doing a sinus treatment. I haven't had a sinus headache since I've started getting them, which is a miracle 'cause I was having them EVERY day. Praise God!

Have I mentioned I'm kinda excited about this real estate thing? And by kinda excited I mean ecstatic! God laid this on my heart a year or so ago and I'm finally getting there. That's definitely exciting, you know, the whole God's plans thing. I like to try to head in that direction ;-)

Well, it's late, I'm exhausted, and I've got to go do greeting cards at Wal-Mart tomorrow with a sore neck and back. I'll tell you what, though, life is good. God is good. Gas is freaking expensive, but God is good. Peace out, friends!

Sorry, it's been a while

2008-05-17T12:39:00.002-05:00

As if you were on the edge of your seat waiting for a blog update, but, anyway, here it is! There really hasn't been a lot of stuff going on. I've been working, planting Christmas trees, hurt my back, but that's all pretty minor stuff. It's pretty crazy. I get so wrapped up in my own stuff, and I forget that over in Myanmar there's close to 150,000 people dead because of a cyclone. I don't even know what a cyclone is technically...and don't send me any Wikipedia links on what a cyclone is. I'm going there next. And then you go up to the northeast, I believe, from Myanmar, and thousands have died and/or are trapped from the earthquake.

I just get so disgusted with myself and my selfishness. I'm working on it, though. Keep praying for our brothers and sisters in Myanmar and China!

Good news even if I do have to pay my taxes!!

2008-04-14T17:57:00.002-05:00

So we were celebrating my niece's first birthday yesterday and found out that her parents, my brother and sister-in-law are going to have another one in October! Quite a bit unexpected, but still exciting nonetheless!

Tax day is tomorrow unfortunately. I'm able to pay most of my taxes, so I'm pleased with that. I'll hopefully get the rest paid in the next few months.

I also was wondering if you could be praying for my mom. She's having some weird health stuff going on that she doesn't really want people to know about...lol...so I won't tell you. Anyway, I would appreciate any and all prayers you could pray!

Hope you all are having a wonderful day!

two awesome new things!

2008-03-30T14:04:00.004-05:00

Okay...you have to know that I'm extremely excited about a couple things going on right now. First of all, Sarah Kelly, is releasing her latest album April 1, which is Tuesday! If you haven't really listened to her much, you'd better give this one a try! This is a worship album from her, and after talking with her a bit at Godstock, this girl is the real deal. Definitely give this one a try!

Secondly, my March book I'm reading has been Jesus For President by Shane Claiborn and friends. I'm almost through with the first section (this is why I do audiobooks). It's taking me a while 'cause I like to multitask, and when you're reading a book, you can't be doing anything else like knit or drive or work. All you can do is read. Anyway, it's going to be a book that I'm going to have to get back with you on. I thought the first book was challenging, but I think this one is going to be even more so!

So these are the two awesome new things I'm excited about. I think you definitely need to pick up both of them. My new CD will be coming in the mail probably tomorrow! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll let you know what I think about the book when I'm done with it, too!

This is my 200th post...no way!

2008-03-05T20:06:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I've posted 200 posts on this blog! It's been a wild ride. I'd like to thank Google for the opportunity of having this blog up here on blogger. But it all would be nothing without you, my loyal readers of Reaching For The Light. Thank you so much. There is nothing I would rather be doing than filling you and all the crazy people that hit next blog over and over again and finally get to mine in on my life. Thank you and God bless.

Okay...I'm so over that.

gone, but not forgotten...

2008-02-24T22:20:00.002-06:00

So I'm done with the confession. It turned out to be quite a bit less than I had expected...only about 130 pages rather than 300 or so. Thank you for your prayers. It was done quickly, so I am thankful for that.

I hope there will be some sort of justice for the victim, and I'm glad that I won't be sitting on the jury for this one.

And February...

2008-02-10T16:57:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so I'm not Jewish, but I want to get married under the Chuppah...

You should totally read this book, too!

decison to make, take II

2008-02-07T17:40:00.000-06:00

In a follow-up to my previous post by just about the same exact title, I got the tapes in the mail today. Just say a prayer for me. I'll be deep into them for the next two weeks...

one down!

2008-01-25T21:36:00.000-06:00

Read my book for January...or I actually listened to it, and it was pretty cool!

any ideas?

2008-01-23T20:39:00.000-06:00

So Nancy and I are sending in an application to be on The Biggest Loser. Good times! Anyway, we have to do a 10-minute video, and being that I'm in Illinois and she's in Texas, we have to do five minutes apiece. Any ideas on what I should do with my five minutes?

I'm a little more than useless...

2008-01-12T22:44:00.000-06:00

really! Okay, so I borrowed the title from my new favorite Relient K song...you should totally check it out. Actually, tonight I'm pretty useless. I'm so tired, my fingers are falling asleep typing this. I started my first day at H&R Block again this year. I'm going to have to get used to sitting in an office again for 8 hours. Some days I think that's what I want, and some days I don't know what in the world I want. Some days I love being a court reporter like yesterday. Other days I want to be an astronaut. Okay. Not really. I've never wanted to be an astronaut, but I can tell you a million and one ideas that I've had that I've wanted to either do or be when I grow up. I don't think we're really grown up till we're at least 35, so I've got a few more years to figure it all out. I can, however, tell you with 100% certainty that if I could find something to buy and resell on eBay and make $500 a week, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I made $300 last week, but now I'm out of stuff to sell, so then it begins again. I did, however, in my money-making venture clean out a bunch of boxes. I sold all of my baseball cards and my nativity set, so there's a ton of stuff i won't have to move when I move again. That's nice.

Man, I'm tired. I think I'm too tired to keep typing. I'll give you a better update at a later time. So for now, I'm going to go do something right for once because I'm a little more than useless...listen to the song!

Hello.

2008-01-01T22:29:00.000-06:00

Has it really been since November 8 that I posted on this blog thing? Oh, well. I've decided to post a few of my New Year's resolutions. So here goes...and in no particular order...

1. (old cliche, I know) Lose weight...75 pounds is my first major goal. We'll see how I feel after that. 30 is the goal before March 22 :)

2. Read 1 nonfiction book every month.

3. Finish getting my real estate license (oh, you didn't know I was doing that? A lot's happened since November 8)

4. Go to Montana and spend a couple weeks on road trip/visit Katie Vaughn.

5. Go see Nancy and Micah. Haven't ever been to Texas. Need to see if everything really is bigger in Texas.

6. I don't know if I can pull off three trips in a year, but if I can pull it off I'd like to spend a week either in Denver or on a cruise ship...I'd settle for either one.

7. This should probably be above all the trip ones, but I will be be out of debt. Heck, I'm living at home, so this should go fairly smoothly...fairly.

8. Move out of Mom and Dad's house ;)

9. Buy my Nikon D40 or D40x (depending on my auctions on eBay this week) and become a decent photographer.

10. Fall in love with Jesus all over again! The rest will work out from there!

decison to make

2007-11-08T23:17:00.000-06:00

so I've got this decision to make that I could use some prayer for. I've got an offer of a job to transcribe this video-taped confession that's about five hours long. The subject matter is disturbing and I would probably have a really hard time doing it, mentally at least. The hard part about the decision is that the payment on it would make six months of car payments or pay off several little bills and start to really dig in. The thing is, someone's got to transcribe this confession, so the victims can get some sort of justice. Anyway, I would appreciate any prayers you could put out there for me. It's a tough decision because these are the worst kind of cases, but like I said, somebody's got to do it...

My new ride...

2007-11-03T15:18:00.001-05:00

well, after seeing the old one, I figured you'd want to see the new ride...

had a wreck today

2007-10-22T17:36:00.000-05:00

yeah....it's great. At least I've been researching new cars to buy and I'm not totally unprepared...lol Another thing is is that it's paid for. Bonus. I also have full coverage for my insurance. Nice. The main thing is, though, no one was hurt. I'm pretty sure we're both going to be sore for a while. And when I say both, I mean the girl I hit.

God is good. I could have been a lot worse!

You've got to be kidding

2007-10-04T23:34:00.000-05:00

So I was just running to my hall to go to the bathroom during the commercial break so I didn't miss any of my favorite show...Scrubs...when I hit my toe on my dryer. Now it's bleeding. I hit it pretty hard...suck-o.

I know it's been a while since I've posted. A lot of things have been going on...a lot of good things. I'm moving. That's good. I'm going to be saving a lot of money. Boo-yeah! Things are changing for the first time in a long time, and I think I know why. I'm changing. You can't expect anything to change if you continue to do the same thing over and over and over again. I kept getting the same results because I wasn't really changing anything. I was changing what I was saying, but I wasn't really changing what I was doing for the most part.

Anyway, don't have much else to talk about tonight. I just thought I'd drop in and say hey. I'm going to be pretty busy for a while, so these posts are probably going to be few and far between, but I'll still be here changing. That's what is so great about life...there's always changing going on. There's no way any of us should ever be bored!

The beauty of grace is that it makes life unfair

2007-09-25T21:45:00.000-05:00

This is my my new song stuck in my CD player...It's exactly where I'm at.

Be My Escape -- RelientK

I’ve given up on giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so You won’t even know me
apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention
is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,
promise I’m going because I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so longI should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You

I think we might have another brother

2007-09-18T20:22:00.000-05:00

On a Corner in Memphis -- Todd Agnew

Saturday on Beale Street with the drunk and the searching
I hear and old man playing guitar
I can't make out what he's saying, but I can tell you that he's suffered
And that he means every world from the bottom of what's left of his heart...tonight

A few hours later, I slip into church
Singing songs about saving grace
One guy's nodding off and another hates to be here
We all mouth the words to save face
It's 11:15 on Sunday morning
And I wish I was...

On a corner in Memphis, listening to the old man
Singing out his sorrows, laying down his pride
He's telling me his story or at least his side
No need to pretend, and nowhere to hide

'Cause we are all broken here, we are all ashamed
I couldn't fool you if I wanted to
Our stories are too much the same

And what about this Jesus,
They say He drank with the poor, the blind and the lame
Do you think He'd like the songs we sing
Or we He feel the same as I do
What if Sunday School
Was on Saturday night

On a corner in Memphis, listening to the old man
Singing out his sorrows, laying down his pride
He's telling me his story or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide
on a Corner in Memphis

What if their heart-breaking cries of pain
Are the first hymns of tomorrow's saints

On a corner in Memphis, we're singing with the old man
Crying for his sorrows and laying down our pride
He's telling us our story, or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide

seriously...

2007-09-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

Guess what today's message was on? Grace and restoration. Very interesting.

(if you don't get it, read below!)

Grace and Restoration

2007-09-08T23:01:00.000-05:00

As told on www.dictionary.com...

grace -- the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God

Restoration --
1. the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
2. the state or fact of being restored.
3. a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.
4. restitution of something taken away or lost.

(fyi...I don't know where this is going...you've been warned. Not meaning to be philisophical, just transparent.)

I was talking with a new friend today, and she made the comment that she didn't think she really understood what grace and restoration really meant until coming through all that she came through. I nodded and just listened, 'cause when you get to sit and talk to someone who's been through some stuff and can sit and talk to you about grace and restoration and the love of Christ, listening is the only thing worth doing! But I have to tell you, I think know where she's coming from on the grace and restoration part.

I have a hard time getting my head around the concept of grace. Maybe not so much the concept of it, but the fact that I feel so unworthy of it just about all the time. I've seen grace played out throughout my life. And in reality I don't deserve it. But it's given to me all the same.

I get so tired of how we feel and probably make people feel like we've got to get it all together before coming to the cross. I feel like I've got to have it all together, when in reality, God, through the blood of Jesus, accepts me where I'm at...broken, sometimes lazy, can't seem to get it all together, feel like I'm losing it me. I don't know whether it's that I don't understand the concept of grace or that I'm too proud to accept it. I'm leaning towards the latter. I don't feel like I'm worthy of God's favor and grace, so my pride gets in the way of accepting it. Is this making any sense? Man, this is hard to get into words what I'm meaning, so if it's way out there, sorry.

This new friend also made the statement that self-hatred was an addiction. I think there are certain points in our lives that we're going to all have to face some day that will either make us or break us. Back in 2001 when my nephew died was one of those defining moments. I feel like I failed. Failed my sister, my family, and failed God because I didn't turn to Him in my grieving, but instead tried to make the pain go away by spending money and eating. I mean, those of you who knew me way back when can probably remember that I was a size 10 and coud play basketball and tennis with the best of them! I can certainly remember it. I'm also reminded of it every day I look in the mirror. Most of you may not know, though, that I didn't have an ounce of debt other than my student loans until after Dylan died. And if you're a regular reader of my blog, you know that one of my biggest struggles is the fact that I can't pay my bills most of the time. I never really thought that I hated myself. If I loved myself and the creation that God created me to be, though, would I have let it go this far? I mean, most of the time I literally didn't care what was happening to me. That's not love.

Do I know what grace means? The freely given and unmerited favor of God. That's powerful. Freely given and unmerited favor of God. Undeserved...nothing I can do to deserve it and yet it's still freely given. Thank you, Jesus!

Restoration...hmmm. I believe that God is doing a work in my life, trying to restore me. I'm so dissatisfied with everything right now. I don't like my job that I used to love...the "real" job. If I could pick up and move across the country, I would do it and just find something that would pay the bills for a while until I found out what it is that God's leading me to do. I know I'm in a transition period in my life right now. I'm ready for the changes, but I have to be able to accept the grace that God offers so freely though his son.

I've been a believer since I was 8, and I am still struggling with this. You'd think I'd know what grace and restoration really meant. I don't know that I've ever really grasped it. I don't think I've ever really thought about it. I'm so glad I met a new friend and just listened for a while.

So here's what I'm going to ask of you all: I would love your prayers that I would finally know the meaning of grace and restoration, whatever it takes. I'm assuming there will be some dealing with issues that I've pushed to the back of my head to deal with later. I'm also assuming it's not going to be fun. All I really want is to fall so in love with Jesus again. I want to get past the surface with people and have real relationships because that's what Jesus did, and in everything I do, I just want to give God the glory with a true and humble unashamed love.

Still Afraid by Sarah Kelly

Maybe I'm taken for granted
Maybe I don't understand
Maybe tomorrow will dawn a new day
Like I know it can
Maybe I am not forgotten
Maybe it's all in the plan
Maybe these burdens are weighing me down
And I've lost my strength to stand

Will you lift up my head when I'm weary?
Will you lift up my heart when I'm faint?
Though the road straight ahead is unsteady,
I'm trying, but I'm still afraidI'm still afraid

Your love's making me stronger
Somehow I'll be OK
Maybe when you need a light in the dark,
I'll help you find your way

Will you lift up my head when I'm weary?
Will you lift up my heart when I'm faint?
Though the road straight ahead is unsteady,
And I'm trying, but I'm still afraid
I'm still afraid
I'm still afraid

hmmm

2007-08-28T00:54:00.000-05:00

I am the woman at the well
I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son that ran away
I am the bitter son that stayed

My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King
My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and a song, a song I sing

I am the angry man who came to stone a lover
I am the woman there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper that gave thanks
I am the nine that never came

My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King
My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and a song, a song I sing

You made the seed that made the tree
that made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You have my only Your son.

My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King
My God, my God
Why has Thou accepted me
it's a mystery of mercy and a song, a song I sing.
Lord, You are my God, my God
Lord, You are my God.
-- Caedmon's Call (can't remember the name of the song...probably My God)

I think this is going to be long...you've been warned.

I've got a picture hanging in my office that I got from one of my teachers for high school graduation. It's got a picture of a beautiful flower blooming in the middle of a crack in the desert sand and it says beneath it, "there are times in life when we're faced with the decision of giving up or going on." That's all it has to say because then you see the beautiful flower that never gave up. I love it. It sat on my desk throughout college and just was a great thing for me to see every day.

I know that Paul says to press on, but sometimes I wonder (like tonight at 1 a.m. when I can't sleep because I'm trying to make a decision) if giving up is the wrong thing to do. I mean, I think sometimes giving up can be exactly what we're supposed to do. I think I've been trying to hold on to something because it's what I've trained for and what I felt God was leading me to do. Now I don't know. I mean, I believe that I went through school and learned a trade and was put where I'm at for some reason, but I'm starting to feel like it's time to move on, and I've been fighting it....pretty hard. It's become an out-and-out spiritual battle...hence this sleepless night.

I'm so scared to quit this job 'cause maybe I'll go to something that doesn't pay the bills...not that this one pays them, but at least it I've got a job now and don't have to go out looking for one. To be quite honest with you, though, I don't feel like I would be "giving up," as I had mentioned above. Honestly right now I'm just confused and scared.

So here's what it boils down to: I've got to make a change in just about every aspect of my life...physically, emotionally, spiritually...and right now I'm kind of frozen. I'm not moving backward, but I'm definitely not moving forward either.

Remember what I said about breathing in and breathing out for the next 15 minutes a few posts ago? I think I need to be resuscitated.

so....

2007-08-22T21:53:00.001-05:00

so it's not high-speed Internet, but it's a heckuva lot faster! I got my new USB modem today, and it's rocking my face off! I love it!

Carried To The Table

2007-08-16T20:47:00.000-05:00

So I was in the Vineyard the other day looking for a Decemberadio CD and just kind of browsing for new music when I found this CD for $5. I had sort of remembered in the back of my mind someone talking about this band called Leeland and that they had said they were incredible, so I thought to myself, What the heck. It's just $5. It shouldn't matter that I've never even heard a thing this band has put out there. I'll give it a shot.

I love it when you go into something or get something and have zero expectations for it and then it ROCKS YOUR FACE OFF. I'm not kidding you. I think I'm ready to say that minus any Jennifer Knapp purchase I've made in the past five to ten years that this could quite possibly be the best CD I've ever bought. And maybe it's because of the no expectations thing, but maybe it's just good music that hits me exactly where I'm at. Who knows?

All this post is really about is to tell you to run out and get this CD. I don't care if you have to scrounge up the loose change from your couch and your car. Get this CD. And, secondly, I'm here to share with you the lyrics to one of their songs that speaks to me the most called Carried To The Table. Enjoy.

Carried To The Table -- Leeland

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master's courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I'm healed and unashamed

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table
The table of the Lord

You carried me, my God
You carried me

What has our world come to?

2007-08-13T23:33:00.003-05:00

I mean, can no one take responsibility for their own actions and not think that someone owes them something? This is why I'm in my current job predicament....burn out.

Another year over. A new one's just begun!

2007-06-11T22:32:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. In 24 minutes I'll be 27. I usually try to be a little reflective on my birthday, you know, try and see what I actually did with my year last year and see what I can do better. I'm not sure I'm going to do that this year. Of course, I'm sure I'll spend a little time on it. A girl's got to have plans for a year. Actually, I guess if you get right down to it, I am spending a little time on it now. Oh, well. You win some; you lose some :)

So here I go. I'm a little disappointed in my year last year. Mainly because I didn't have the tenacity to stick with some things. How do you fix that? I was talking to Dena on the way home from church camp last Wednesday (which was awesome, by the way!) and I realized that when I was in high school and I set my mind to something or someone told me I couldn't do something, I went right ahead and did it. No one was going to tell me what I could or couldn't do. Now? I listen to the voices. Where did that fight go? I told Dena that I didn't have it any more. She said, Yes, you do. It's just not burning as bright. So now I've got to go find it. Who thought learning to live would be such hard work?

So I've got some ideas on how I want to live my life this year and what I want to achieve, but I've decided to go about it in a little different way. Yes, I want to get out of debt. Yes, I want to stop worrying about getting my bills paid and start giving money away because that's what God's calling me to do. Yes, by the time I'm 28 I want to be able to ride my bicycle 20 miles a day without a problem. I mean, how fun would that be?

So if you would have asked me a year ago how I was going to go about these things, I honestly can't say what I would have told you. Looking back I think I started at the top and just tried to wipe it out in one great big unimaginable swoop. It didn't work. Another thing...I tried to do it by myself. As I said before, it didn't work.

So here's my plan for the year of 27...are you ready for this? I'm going to get up, Lord willing, every day and take one step after another and start living one day at a time rather than waiting for the year to be over to see if I've reached my goals or finally got to where I'm wanting to be. Nope. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's how you make a year a good year. One day at a time. I read somewhere that in order to have a good year, you have to have a good month. In order to have a good month, you have to have a good week. In order to have a good week, you have to have a good day. In order to have a good day, you have to have a good hour. And in order to have a good hour, you have to have a good 15 minutes.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 3:12-14

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." -- Ephesians 3:16-21

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:4-7

"There, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." -- Hebrews 12:1-3

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:19

Breathe in. Breathe out. Here's to a good 15 minutes!

again so soon?

2007-05-28T23:03:00.000-05:00

I like this. I've included some of the quotes that I think are highlights. It's definitely a longer post, so you should totally read it!

"In that event we pray for their kids, or “Dear God, don’t let their wounds be anchors they have to drag along. Turn them to teachers and treasures they can carry with them.”

"Prayer isn’t a way to see things like He does. It’s a refuge. An oasis of spiritual life. When I don’t go there, I dry up. And brown. Like my yard."

The whole fourth and fifth paragraphs...actually the whole thing! Just read it!

stretch marks

2007-05-23T22:43:00.000-05:00

have you ever felt stretched so thin that you just don't know which way to go? I just hope with all this stretching i become a little more flexible.

hey hey

2007-05-09T18:03:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to share some quotes from a e-newsletter I get! Enjoy!

“Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. You may never reach the summit; for that you will be forgiven. But if you don’t make at least one serious attempt to get above the snow-line, years later you will find yourself lying on your deathbed, and all you will feel is emptiness.” -- Huch Macleod

"Those who do not create the future they want must endure the future they get." -- Draper L. Kaufman, Jr.

“The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.” -- Malcolm S. Forbes

“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Former U.S. Supreme Court justice

"A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder." -- Thomas Carlyle

an anniversary of sorts

2007-05-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

I just noticed that last month was my two-year anniversary with Blogger in the blogging world. Happy anniversary to me. I hope someone somewhere has gotten something out of my rantings and ravings and sometimes just plain craziness!

Here's to two more!

hey, hey, hey

2007-05-02T22:14:00.000-05:00

So I know it's been a little bit, but I make no apologies. Okay. I really am sorry, but it's not like you're beating down my Internet door for more posts...lol So what's been going on in my life? Nothing and everything. It seems lately I just don't have too much energy left over to do anything that isn't completely necessary. I'm just tired all the time. I've had a headache for a week and a half, but actually tonight it's a little better.

So if you want to know the complete extent of my ADD, in-between this paragraph and the previous one I went and reorganized my closet in my bedroom...put the summer clothes where I could more easily access them and put the winter clothes sort of out of my way. How ridiculous is that?! I mean, not ridiculous to reorganize, but in-between paragraphs! I think I'm crazy. :)

Anyway, so in my journey as of late leading me to question what made King David so special I've remembered that I had a book called "A Heart Like His" by Beth Moore. I think I'm going to read it, 'cause that's what it's all about. King David, a man after God's own heart. That's what I want. Some days it's totally easier to want to have God's heart and to feel as He feels, but most days it's hard because I want what I want when I want it.

Anyway, I'll be reading that book pretty soon, so be prepared for some great discussion. Also currently reading the Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. We're discussing it for Bible Study on Sunday nights. It's kicking me in my posterior, and I kind of like it. It's making me look at a whole lot of things differently, not necessarily that I was doing things wrong, but just looking at them a little bit differently...okay a lot differently.

So, yeah, Vegas was great for those of you who knew I went there last week. We had our National Training Conference for Arbonne. Can you believe that I went to Vegas and didn't gamble a bit?! I didn't even put a penny in the penny slots! I've about decided that I'm working too hard for my money right now to gamble it away. Besides, is that what God would really want me to do with what He's given me? The last two times I didn't even think about it. I was in Vegas. I gambled. I won all the money back I'd spent on my trip. Let me tell you that it was really difficult knowing that the past two times I'd won my trip back and not to take that chance this time. But I was on a pretty tight budget and just didn't want to risk it. We had a ton of other stuff to do anyway. Here's something you should do...Read the Irresistible Revolution right before, during or right after you go to Vegas, the city of wastefulness.

The crazy thing is there were so many families there this time. Maybe there were the last two times and I just wasn't paying attention to stuff like that, but we were walking one night at 11 p.m. and there was a group of about ten 9 to 10 year olds walking in front of Misty and I picking up the little cards of the naked women on them. So sad.

I'm listening to Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson...just so you know. Also, one of my favorite groups that only made one good CD...Wilson Phillips. I will probably totally get made fun of for that comment, but there's nothing like family harmony!

Anyway, these are my random thoughts. Hope this has been an entertaining post for you!

I've been busy...I'm sorry

2007-04-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

So I just realized I hadn't posted since March 30...sorry. At least you didn't leave me any nasty posts, so I guess that means no one's been reading either. I know everyone's pretty busy with life right now. It just seems like I don't see anyone any more. I don't know if it's because of my four -- now three jobs or what, but maybe it's you. Have you ever thought about that? :)

Anyway, so I've had some time to think about this post and what I wanted it to say, and really, it's changed every day from one topic to another. I think I'm going to sort of cop out and post something I read today in a little devotional book I got in the mail, but I want to give it a little back story first. I've really been delving into my relationship with God lately. Actually, what I've really been delving into is: What's holding me back? Why do sometimes I feel so distant and sometimes I feel like I could reach out and touch Him?

To be quite honest, I can probably think of a lot of things that are holding me back, but that's also part of the problem. I tend to take control and "figure it out" myself. Not this time. I've just been asking God to reveal to me His heart and His plan for me. I know, it's pretty routine "Christian" stuff, but the longer I live, the more Type A I become. Well, now, I don't want control. Life would just be easier if I could sit back and let someone else drive the car...so that's what I'm going to do.

Secondly, I dwell on the past a lot. I've figured some stuff out and some stuff I don't think I'll ever figure out until I'm at the feet of Jesus, but here's what I do know. I can't move forward by looking behind me...ever. What I've found is that I'm uncomfortably comfortable. Not much more is expected of me. I've got a good job. I'm getting out of debt. My family expects me to marry and have kids at some point, but I'm not too worried about that...yet. I'm doing what everyone in my family has done for their whole lives. Why should I want more? Because I feel more strongly every day that God is calling me for something more, that's why. So what if no one in my family has ever paid off all of their debts. God wants something more of me. So what if I believed a lie about myself for four or five years because it was easier to believe a lie than to seek the truth and fight the enemy. Now I'm fighting. God wants something more of me. So what if everyone in my family is overweight and I'm following the same line they are. God wants something more of me...and I intend to deliver.

Anyway, as I sat down to write this post, I thought I'd quote from a devotional I have for each day of the month, but I don't think I will. What I will do, however, is quote to you the verse that it uses for the basis of the devotional, which is one of my favorite verses of all time. It's Philippians 3:12-14. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Pressin' on
Julie

here ya go!

2007-03-30T09:35:00.000-05:00

Once again, another excerpt from my daily devotional....I love this thing!

Embracing the Lean Times

TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. - Jeremiah 17:7

Have you ever considered at what point a test becomes so difficult that you decide you can no longer trust in God and you must take over to solve the problem? The prophet Jeremiah describes a situation in which the temptation to solve a financial problem can become so great that we trust in man's way to solve it.

This is what the Lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:5-8).

Jeremiah drew a sharp comparison between the man who trusts in his own effort to solve his problem and the man who trusts in God when he cannot see the outcome. The man who trusts in God bears fruit despite the circumstances in his life. He does not shrivel when the heat comes; in fact, his roots go deeper into God's grace. He continues to bear fruit in spite of his circumstances.

Recently, a friend from South Africa explained to me that whenever a plant lives in an arid climate, the roots drive deeper and deeper into the soil to get the water they need. This forces the plant to develop a root system that is far beyond the normal plant because it is forced to go deeper to gain the water it needs. Sometimes God forces us to go deeper into the grace of His love in order to build a greater foundation in our own lives. These lean times are designed to accomplish this in us. If you find yourself in this condition, ask the Lord who provides the water for our soul for the grace you need today to continue to bear fruit in the desert.

Did you know...

2007-03-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

...in 2004 the average person spent 10 weeks in front of the TV, which equals about 70 days or 1680 hours. We only get 52 weeks a year and for the average person in 2004 they spent 10 of those watching the television. I watch about one to two hours a week and I feel bad about that sometimes.

So here's my thoughts on this: The people they're watching on TV are actors living out their dreams by acting on a television show or on a movie. They're sitting in their living room not doing anything in the way of taking a step towards making their dreams a reality. Why would a person spend 19.23% of a year watching someone else live out their dreams and you not do anything towards achieving theirs?

Any comments?

what the what!?

2007-03-03T19:06:00.000-06:00

Tonight I feel like writing. I don't know what about, so I thought I'd just sit down here at my computer and just start typing a blog entry. That is just a warning that I don't know where this is going, so don't blame me if it doesn't make sense...lol

I guess lately I've been just feeling like I'm on the cusp of something awesome. Like the next decision I make could radically change my life. Tonight I looked back...maybe that's why I'm so reflective and in a writing mood this evening. Looking back is always easier than looking ahead. I learned that pretty quickly in my walk of life. Looking back reflectively and trying to learn something from your past, that's not so easy. When the Israelites were fleeing Egypt and they looked back, they saw this Egypt that "really wasn't so bad." They were only slaves. They really weren't treated so badly. One of my favorite songs, "Painting Pictures of Egypt," talks exactly about that. "I've been painting pictures of Egypt, leaving out what it lacks. The future feels so hard and I want to go back. But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned, but those roads were closed off to me when my back was turned."

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back. But sometimes I feel like it was easier then. I realized a little while back that it was easier because I didn't care. I didn't/couldn't feel. I didn't know how to show real emotion because I'd shut it out. It was easier. Honestly, I don't remember a lot about those "zombie" years. I think I was walking around consciously unconscious, if that makes sense. I don't have any reason or answer to why or how I woke up. I just started praying and asking God to help me feel again. I knew things were going to hurt bad, because not only had I not dealt with the hurt in my life up to that time, I'd been living "unconsciously" for three or four years and had a lot more to deal with. The first time I cried and unselfish cry was one of the most awesome days of my life. When I say unselfish cry, I mean crying because of someone else's circumstances and not my own. I wasn't crying because something had happened to me. Honestly I was crying because I'd just taken the deposition of a couple little girls who had been molested by their father. That was the only time he'd paid attention to them. I wasn't crying because something happened to me. I wasn't crying because I had cut my hand. I was crying because I ached for these little girls, and I had to walk away from them when I just wanted to give them a big hug and tell them everything was going to be all right.

So tonight I looked back. I realized that I feel on the cusp of something awesome because almost every decision I've made since that time has been a conscious decision, and that's been life-changing. All these little decisions are changing my life little by little to change it a lot. One day I'm going to wake up and not be able to remember how much I hurt now and how hard this time was, but I'll look back and be able to see that I've changed my life and my world and the world of everyone I touch.

I think that's on the cusp of something great.

Teleportation...The Ultimate Superpower

2007-02-26T22:19:00.000-06:00

Sorry, Hersch. Really the title is just making fun of you. Although, I've thought often, especially lately, that if I could teleport myself back and forth from Evansville and wherever I'm driving at the moment, I could save a lot of time and be more productive....but I think I'd still like to fly...hehe Anyway, I don't really have a point for tonight's blog entry. I just wanted to remind you that God is good and awesome, and sometimes I overlook the small things and take for granted the big things...like waking up every morning and waking me up to finally make the changes necessary in my life. It's awesome.

You know, sometimes I forget I'm forgiven. Renaissance Theater from Bethel College came up from Tennessee and took over our morning worship at church yesterday. There was a pretty funny role this girl played and she wailed and screamed out while hiding from God because she couldn't forgive herself. It's something you'd have to see, but it was pretty funny. I enjoyed it, but, you know, sometimes I'm right there in that same place. I'm not trying to hide from God, but I build up this complete condemnation in my own head. How could He love me after what I've done? Why in the world would He choose to bless me? I sin all the time. Can He forgive me one more time?

Romans 8:1-4 says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life se4t me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the spirit." If you are a Child of God, there is no condemnation. I know it. I believe it. But sometimes I forget it.

I drew a picture when I was in high school. I thought it was a pretty good concept. The picture wasn't too, hot 'cause coming up with something of my own out of my head and putting it into a drawing isn't my specialty. I can do cartoon figures by looking at the pictures, but anyway....sorry. My ADD kicked in there...lol Back to the picture. It was a picture of a tree and a dirt path going back to this big beautiful sea (in my head it was beautiful). Anyway, at the tree, right before you go over the hill that takes you to the sea there's a sign. The sign says "Sea of Forgetfulness...No Fishing." I thought it was pretty cool. I'm sure I threw it out a while ago, but as I was reading tonight, it just came back to mind. Neat-o.

Anyway, I hope you all are having a wonderful evening. Don't forget...There's not fishing in the Sea of Forgetfulness. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

BOO STINKIN YEAH

2007-02-22T16:06:00.000-06:00

So a little while back I blogged about feeling like I was in God's will but not seeing the blessings. Then I blogged about all these quotes about patience. God's teaching me a lot about a lot. Then Sunday evening we had about the best Bible study I can remember. We talked about actually enjoying life. It's not that I don't enjoy life...it's just that I haven't been lately. I thought that, Man, I'm reaping the consequences of my sin, so this is going to be miserable, so I was being miserable. I was talking count it all joy, but I wasn't living it. I knew I should be happy that God's hand was in this and I was being molded and shaped, but really I wasn't thrilled, 'cause it hurt. Oooo, I'm in pain, I've got it so bad, 'cause God loves me so much that He wants to see me prosper in my life. Suck it up, Jules.

I got some good news today on my taxes. Once again, after I step into the mindset and into the Will of God, just like when I started applying for all the jobs and then they all came at once, He provides.

I am humbled. God is good.

mission impossible

2007-02-19T11:55:00.001-06:00

Loose Ends... Confessions Of An Unfinished Faith

“MISSION IMPOSSIBLE” by Nichole Nordeman (As seen in the January 2007 CCM Magazine).

Several years ago my husband and I were invited to go to Paris by a missionary couple who were passionate about reaching out to the artistic community there and were attempting to use the arts as a tool to introduce this skeptical culture to Jesus. They were hoping that an evening of live music from me would be an encouragement to artists who were wrestling with (or even unaware of) how one’s faith could be relevant to one’s art. I remember when my booking agent first presented me with the invitation, I chuckled a little. “Yeah. Missionaries in Paris. Sounds like a tough gig.”

My stereotypes about missionaries were left over from Sunday school. My early impressions were that serving God on a mission field would usually involve some jungle location and lots of half naked natives who spent a lot of time spearing fish or balancing baskets on their heads. It meant putting your kids to sleep in a hammock every night under the thatch roof you made for yourself and your pet iguanas.

So, the word ‘missionary’ and the word ‘Paris’ did not live together in my brain. If being a missionary was to suffer and struggle and eat bugs for God, being in Paris was to wander aimlessly through the Louvre, eat baguettes at the top of the Eiffel Tower and decide which Merlot to have with dinner.

Errol and I were excited about our French adventure, and curious about what it meant to perform an outreach concert in the middle of Paris, where Christian music isn’t exactly on le radar. Needless to say, every stereotype I held about missionary work was quickly dismantled.

Jim and Angela, an American couple who met in Tulsa, were gentle and passionate about explaining how God had called them to raise their four children in France trying to communicate the beauty of Jesus to this artistic community. Paris, we learned, was among the most difficult of mission fields. For the most part, the Parisian notion of God (as it is with our own) was steeped in thousands of years of history and culture. The Jesus hanging on the ornate crosses of these stunning French Cathedrals represented reverence and respect, perhaps obligation … but maybe not relationship or grace.

For Jim and Angela, filling out missionary paperwork that charted their “progress” was hard. The American churches that were supporting them at home were understandably curious about the number of souls that had been saved. Which is, after all, the mark of Evangelical success and whole point, right? But for our new French friends and their messy mission field, progress was measured very differently. Success meant a cup of coffee with someone who needed to talk. Success meant slow but steady credibility with artists. Success meant staying in the conversation…one small concert and art exhibit at a time. By simply trying to love people, they were finding ways to infiltrate a culture that prides itself on…pride. Not easy.

I have a deep appreciation for why Jesus chose the metaphor of birth to illustrate salvation. I like to think that he understood how long and complicated that journey can be. Any woman, who has carried a child, understands that giving birth is far more than the actual finish line when the doctor hands over your brand new little bundle. That moment, as staggering as it may be, is simply the culmination of nine months worth of other important moments. It is the thrill of hearing the first heartbeat. It is the disbelief in seeing that little blob on an ultrasound for the first time. It is the nausea of morning sickness. It is the joy of anticipation. It is the shock of karate kicks to your ribs. It is the frustration of the hormonal assault. It is fear. It is dread. It is elation and profound joy. It is surrender at the inevitable loss of self. It is swollen, ugly ankles. It is every moment leading up to delivery, which many women will tell you is the most agonizing and unspeakably joyful experience they’ve ever known.

The way we really come to Jesus, I believe, is to experience the full process to term, swollen ankles and all. Karate kicks. Loss of self. Unspeakable joy.

This is the mission field our friends in Paris face every single day. Lives that move slowly and cautiously toward the delivery room. Lives that are feeling one little kick at a time inside of them.

Jim sat in our kitchen one night last week. He was in the States to visit churches and to thank them for and to ask for their continued financial support. He looked a little weary, to be honest. (In fairness, he just recovered from the stomach flu.) But he had that tired look that people have when they’ve poured all of themselves into something very meaningful. I’m guessing that raising support is his least favorite part of his calling, although he would never complain. Having to explain one more time that he does not spend his days eating croissants and sipping espresso at side walk cafes, but instead gently pursuing people in a culture, largely uninterested in their need for Jesus, and especially an American one.

Jim and Angela’s church is not our church. There are no borders or bi-laws. No praise team. No committees or children’s choir.

Their approach is beautifully unique…just like the people they’re trying to reach. And the messy thrill of watching someone who is laboring toward freedom…and standing with them…holding hands through every gasp and bead of sweat until they are ready to deliver their hearts to Jesus, is their greatest joy. And should always be ours.

Count to ten…don’t forget to breathe…

nichole

Gratitude

2007-02-17T23:05:00.000-06:00

The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty. - Proverbs 21:5

Patience knows that one definition of maturity is learning to delay pleasure. - Dave Ramsey

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting; that is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - author unknown

A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished. - Proverbs 28:20

Just wanted to share with you some quotes that I got in a newsletter today. Interesting, huh? I thought so. It's been a week since my pity party. How do you feel, Jules? I'm tired. Honestly, I could really go for a Margarita. I'll settle for bed...in a minute. I haven't turned on my computer in two days. I haven't been able to check my email, 'cause it's not coming through my phone for some reason. Don't know what's up with that. It honestly hasn't been that bad. I hope no one's really needed to get in touch with me. Sorry if you have.

I'm really just sitting here tonight feeling about the same way as I did last week, but just a little better. I think I'm just tired, and this week I'm handling it a little better. I think my body is just getting used to physical labor again, maybe getting time to eat a meal, like I just finished supper and it's 11:15...fabulous.

I'm not complaining. Really, I'm not. As tired as I am, I'm thankful that I can feel tired, that God's given me the ability to go and do and not have to keep asking for help. I also think one of the only things that's keeping me sane is the fact I have an incredible friend who's going through the same crap, too. When she's having a bad day, I'm having a good day. When I'm having a bad day, she's having a good day. I thank God every day for her friendship. I just have to talk to her just about every day to keep my sanity lately :)

Anyway, I want to leave you with the lyrics to a song by Nichole Nordeman. It's called Gratitude, and it's incredible. Every time I hear it it just speaks to me. You should definitely listen to it if you can!

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

-- Nichole Nordeman

Father, I'm thirsty and dry. Please send Your rain.

Nobody Loves Me

2007-02-10T21:34:00.000-06:00

"The truth is never sexy, so it's not an easy sell. You can dress her like the culture, but she'll shock 'em just as well, because she don't need an apology for being who she is."
Can I tell you that I love this song? I love this song. It's Nobody Loves Me by Derek Webb if you're not familiar with it.

I've had a bad day. I feel like I'm right on the cusp of some big awesome rockin' change, but where I'm at right now is scary and exciting and hard and tiring and emotionally and physically draining. And through it all God is good. I had a little pity party tonight. In fact, right now as I'm sitting here and typing these words to you, I'm feeling a little stress and all the emotions just coming up again, and yet I know that God is good, and He will provide...even though it hurts. What I'm finding myself thinking is, Okay, God. I've stepped into Your will and plan for me...so where's my windfall of blessings?

Sometimes I think we follow God's will in our lives expecting blessings and not out of complete obedience and faith. I don't think that's where I originally started, but somewhere along the lines I've started really hoping for an easier way...or at least one that doesn't hurt as much. I just keep thinking, Man, if someone would send me a check for the exact amount of my debt, then this will all be over with, and I can get on with my life, and I won't have to go through this. I think it's totally natural to feel this way, our human nature. I don't, however, think that it's God's will for us. Really, you know, in some cases it may be. I just don't think it's mine.

Sometimes I feel like the eight out of ten spies that went to the Promised Land and were defeated before they started the battle. Yes, it was the land of milk and honey, and it was everything that they had heard and more, but there were giants there and there was no way they could win. So let's just stay here where at least we can just barely get by and wander around aimlessly for 40 years. Sounds like a plan.

But then sometimes, and I've noticed that it's more often now than in previous years, I feel like Joshua and Caleb. Yes, it is the land of milk and honey, and it is everything we've heard of and, oh, so much more, and, yes, there are giants living there, but our God is mighty and he has already given us victory. Let's go and take our land!

Guess where I'm at tonight. But tomorrow is a new day, and God is good and gracious and merciful, so "I will praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand. You've never left my side, and, though, my heart is torn, Lord, I will praise You in this storm."

Thank You, Jesus.

Empty Mangers

2007-02-03T21:15:00.000-06:00

This is a daily devotional I get....daily ;) It's pretty fabulous. If you want to sign up, email me and I'll send you a link or leave a comment on here. Anyway, it just hit home. I walked out of Misty's house tonight kind of bewildered because right now is the busiest I have ever been, and right now is the time that things are moving forward in every part of my life and getting busier and busier. Anyway, the comment I had made to her was, "Is it crazy that right now, the busiest I've ever been, is when I feel the strongest pull to want to do this? You know, I think it's because I'm finally dealing with some of this crap." And then I get home and read this....enjoy!

Empty Mangers
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest. - Proverbs 14:4

"When Jesus came into this world, He chose to be born in a most unusual place-a manger. It was no more than a livery stable with goats, oxen, and other livestock animals. There is a distinctive characteristic about a place like this. It is filled with odors and dung from the animals. God seems to work best among the unpleasantness of circumstances. In fact, "where there are no oxen, the manger is empty." What is this really saying? I believe it is saying that in order for Jesus to be present, we must invite those things that bring with them "messes to clean up." God works among the messy things in our lives. And from these messes come an abundant harvest. This is what He did with all His highly used servants in the Bible. God is filled with paradoxes. Why can't life be seamless and smooth? Because God likes to show Himself in the midst of the messes of life. This is what brings us into the harvests. So often the bigger the mess, the bigger the harvest.

When a major road-construction project takes place in a crowded city street, it appears to be absolute chaos. It is inconvenient, slow-moving and tends to get us irritated because it appears we are moving much slower than we would like. It is ugly, and so much of what we see is torn up. But when we look at that same area a few months or years later, we see why the construction was necessary. There was meaning to the mess. It actually made life so much better for those who would use the road.

It has been through the messiest of times in my business and personal life that God has revealed His power and strength in my life. It was when these "oxen" of hardship have walked into my manger that the greatest harvest was manifest. However, when I have sought to remove the "oxen" and rid myself of the odor and the mess, I have fought the ultimate work of God.

God works in mangers."

Amen

It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life for me!

2007-01-29T18:24:00.000-06:00

Have I told you lately how awesome God is? I wanted to explain the reason I've changed the name of my blog a little bit and what's been going on in the land of Julieville. I've made some major changes. It all started when I got a letter from one of the two credit card companies that I've got left to pay off. I don't really want to go into the details with you, but let's just say it wasn't a very nice letter. It seems that they wanted money and they wanted it now...money I didn't have. That's a great feeling. Anyway, I talked to a friend about it. To paraphrase, if I may, she told me that she knew I had the faith that God would change my situation, but what was I doing about it? Faith without works is dead. Hmmm...where had I heard that before? Oh, yeah, some guy named James. After talking a little while longer we came up with a decision.

I was going to get another job.

So I started praying and applying for stuff all over...factories, discount stores, distribution centers...you name it. Nothing for three weeks. Then all of the sudden things started moving. As I blogged about a week or so ago, this same friend called me, woke me up, and told me to get out of bed and go into town. She had a job for me.

I'd like to tell you what I'm doing now with my time. I'm working as a full-time court reporter. I'm a full-time Arbonne independent consultant. I'm a part-time tax preparer at our local tax preparation chain. And the latest is I'm a merchandiser for American Greetings at our local Wal-Mart (I stock the card section).

I know that's pretty cool that God answered our prayers that way. But here's another very cool little tidbit...about three weeks ago I get a call that wakes me up pretty early. It's from Nielsen Meadia Research, Inc., wanting me to fill out a little diary thing about the amount of TV I watch. At the end of our conversation the lady said, oh, and for agreeing to fill out of survey, we will send you $30 just to thank you in advance for helping us out. I thought, sure. It will be a voucher check for $30 only if I sign up for something. I got my survey thing in the mail today with $30 cash in it. That's right CASH. I mean, you never hear of that. I'm always filling out surveys for Nielsen from now on...lol Just a nice little note.

Another thing, since working at the tax chain I am preparing my own taxes...lol Being self-employed I never really wanted to mess with it. I just handed it to a CPA and said here you go. Well, I think that was a mistake. I've found a deduction that I think I can take that I haven't ever taken in the five years I've been filing my self-employment taxes. Everyone I talk to says I can take something off...they're just not sure how much. And I know that's cool, 'cause instead of owing $3,000 to the IRS this year I might just owe $1,500, which would be great. But this is even BETTER...I can go back for the last four years I've filed and amend my returns and get the money back for that deduction I could have taken. My income hasn't changed too much in the last four years, so if I just base everything on what I'm saving this year, I could potentially get $6,000 back from my previous years' taxes. And that's not taking the whole deduction that I think I'm entitled to. That's being careful with the amount I write off. I could pay off SOOOOO much with that money!

Anyway, here's what I wanted to tell you: All my blogs lately have been about learning and growing and experiencing new things in new ways and changing the world. I was put in each of these jobs for a reason. Maybe one was to make sure I get the money back that I'm entitled to. Maybe it's to open my eyes to the reality that I can do the taxes of a single mom of two children who makes less than $18,000 a year and hardly makes it and then in the same day do the taxes of a couple with no children making $75,000 a year and barely making it to realize that it doesn't matter where you're at. There's a struggle. I thought my eyes had been opened to it a while back when I really started getting active about my finances. God put a little idea in my heart about becoming a certified financial counselor and running it as a ministry free of charge. I don't know if that's where He's calling me or not. I think it's something I could really enjoy. But either way, wherever He's leading me, I just want you to know that the light is always there even when it seems so dark that you'll never be able to see again. But once you start "Reaching for the Light," He'll start reaching back for you, ready to show you where to go, full of Love and Grace and Mercy. So here I am, just sitting here typing to you and reaching for the Light.

God Bless,

Reaching for the light

2007-01-24T22:28:00.000-06:00

So as some of you have noticed I've changed the name of my blog to "Reaching For The Light." I've also changed my profile pic. I think it's rockin' Props to Katie V. for doing such a great job in taking the picture. It's not me in it, but it's Natalie! I picked the one I think is best, but I'm going to post both of them and let you guys vote to tell me what you think best describes the blog title. I've also got a blog coming, but I'm trying to collect my thoughts on it, so stay tuned!

Vote on the pics. Let me know which ones you guys like best. By the way, you can go visit katie and dorothy's site to see more pictures. There's a link off the the right or you can just click on the word site!

LITTLE IS MUCH

2007-01-18T20:12:00.000-06:00

"Little is much when God's in it, and no one can fathom the plans He holds.
Little is much when God's in it. He changes the world with the seeds we sow."

I have more money in my checking account now after the weekend and paying all my bills for the week than I have in a very, VERY long time. I also think all my bills will get paid this month. That hasn't happened in a very, VERY long time.

I had a chat with God the other day on my way into church. Actually it was about two weeks ago. I didn't have the money to tithe and to pay my bills. I just told God that He was going to have to give me a very clear sign that I was supposed to tithe that week. Otherwise, I was going to pay my bills. I just laid it on the line. If He told me to tithe, I would write out the check. If I didn't feel that He was telling me to tithe, I would be able to pay for my gas to get back and forth to Evansville for work.

I was able to do both.

I don't know how He did it, but it was there when I needed it, and my car got incredible mileage that week...lol Last week my friend Rebekah and I were talking about tithing and she said that that was the first check she wrote out every time they got paid. It wasn't only the fact that I was tithing, but it was the fact that that was not where my first and best was going. I was giving God what was left. He doesn't want that. What He wants is our first and best...and I'm not just talking about money.

Are you giving God the first and best of you? I can't honestly tell you that I am. I can honestly tell you that I'm trying. Sometimes I am. Sometimes my flesh gets the best of me. It seems like God's been bringing King David up in all my stuff lately...devos, etc. How can David be called a man after God's own heart and be a murderer, an adulterer, and all that he was all at the same time? He was trying. Sometimes he was giving God the first and best. Sometimes his flesh got the best of him.

Now, don't thing I'm comparing myself to King David. I know I'm far from that. All I'm really saying is I'm trying. God takes my little and turns it into much because He can do that if I give him my first and best...and He's going to change the world through me, even though I fall VERY short sometimes, because I keep trying and honestly seeking His will and plan for me.

That's the beauty of Grace and an unending Love.

Isn't it just like God

2007-01-12T15:37:00.000-06:00

I was depressed this morning.

Just been going through some stuff that I really didn't want to deal with. A friend and I had come up with a solution, and I really felt like that it was totally from God, but it wasn't happening like I thought it should...go figure. I kept getting these daily devotionals about God's timing and Obedience and all that stuff, and I know there was more I could do in order to make this work, but this morning it was just too much. I've been getting up at 5:30 a.m. and walking a couple miles with my awesome friends Misty and Melissa, but then after we'd get done walking I'd be home at about 7 a.m. and go back to bed. This is not a good habit for me to get into 'cause I'd still be in bed at 9:30 or 10:00 with stuff to do. I think I should probably go to bed earlier.

We'll see about that.

So this morning as I was laying in bed trying to find a reason to get out of it my friend Kathy called. What are you doing?

Laying in bed.

Well, get up, get cleaned up, and go into town. I've found the answer.

So I did. And she did. Not exactly how I thought God would work it all out, but leave it to Him to say, Okay. You're not going about this the right way, so this is how I'm going to have to do it. And He did. I won't bore you with all the details on here. Let's just say consequences of sin are not fun, but God's still using me.

I was just listening to one of my favorite songs a minute ago, and that's what made me think to write about this. It's called "Too Far To Walk Tonight" by Andrew Osenga. Incredible song. Basically, it just says in the chorus, "Jesus, You'll have to come get me, 'cause it's too far to walk tonight." And He did.

Isn't that just like God?

coming soon....

2007-01-09T17:32:00.000-06:00

an update. I'll keep you "posted." actually, just check back here.....

There is divine potentional in all you envision to do

2007-01-05T13:35:00.000-06:00

Here's an excerpt of an awesome book I'm reading. You're all heard of Charles Stanley, right? This is his son, Andy Stanley in a book called "Visioneering" about Nehemiah rebuilding the walls around Jerusalem in 52 days. This is on Julie's Recommended Reading List for 2007!

"God's ultimate plan for your life reaches beyond the visions He's given you for your family, business, ministry and finances. He has positioned you in your culture as a singular point of light. A beacon in a world that desperately needs to see something divine, something that is clearly not of this world.

Above and beyond the achievements associated with your vision, He wants to draw people to Himself. Our visions are means to a greater end. Namely, the glory of God and the salvation of men and women. This is His ultimate objective, His ultimate desire.

I'm afraid the majority of believers have never seen this important relationship. Consequently, our churches are filled with men and women who compartmentalize their lives. They differentiate between the religious and the secular. The religious being all those duties that have to do with God; the secular being their other pursuits.

To make matters worse, they underestimate God's interest in their secular pursuits -- after all, there wasn't anything very 'religious' about rebuilding the walls around Jerusalem -- and they overestimate His interest in their religious ones.

The truth is, our secular pursuits have more kingdom potential than our religious ones. For it is in the realm of our secular pursuits that secular people are watching. The marketplace, the club, and the salon are the environments that so desperately need a brush with the divine. It is there that God desires to demonstrate His power through those who are willing to be used in such a way. It is in the context of those arenas that the 'awe factor' is potentially the greatest.

For that reason, men and women who understand this broader potential for their visions see no distinction between the religious and the secular. Both their sacred and secular duties are played out on the same stage with the same goal in mind. They see themselves as lights at all times in all contexts. For those unique individuals, every role, relationship, and responsibility carries divine potential.

These are the unique few who have not substituted gimmicks and tradition for the real thing. I'm afraid too many of us are content to set ourselves apart by bumper stickers and schedules. I've yet to hear a story of a Christian motorist being flagged down by another driver who was pierced to the heart by the sight of a fish on the back of a car. And our Sunday morning routines certainly haven't left the world standing in awe of our God."

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

New

2007-01-01T22:34:00.000-06:00

Well, I had to post something on the very first day of the year of Julie...lol Actually, I was more thinking, Man, this year I'm turning 27. How crazy is that? 27! Anyway, that's enough of those depressing thoughts :) I hope you all had a blessed New Year celebration! I got to relax and get some work done all in the same day. I did want to share with you some awesome lyrics that I've recently been turned onto, and I think it's only fitting that I post the lyrics of a song called NEW on the first day of 2007. So here it is, NEW by Bethany Dillon. Enjoy!

What is this sun that conquers mountains
Singing over what has been asleep?
What is it that softens all my doubting?
It's you

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes
That have been covered by the hurt of yesterday
Who could create in me the vision of a little child?
It's you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

When I have been a victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

You, you make me new...

Hello, Lord

2006-12-29T21:46:00.000-06:00

This is a song I heard tonight after a LONG time of not hearing it. I hope you like it. I'm sure you've never been here...lol It's by Sara Groves.

Hello, Lord, it's me Your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if You have a minute

'Cause right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if You could speak up
I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with You in person
And hear what You're saying
But right now...I just can't hear You

I don't doubt Your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability
To hear what You're saying and to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing

But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if You could speak up
I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with You in person
And hear what You're saying
But right now...I just can't hear You

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think You are telling me to wait
And, though, patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from You, oh, Lord
I'm waiting on You.

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if You could speak up
I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with You in person
And hear what You're saying
But right now...I think You're whispering.

Man, what a great song. Sometimes it just feels like there's no way we can hear what He's saying to us...like He's whispering. It's too noisy here. There's another song that that last sentence brings to mind...Just Making Noises by Justin McRoberts. Lord, I don't want to just be making noises 'cause those noises keep me from hearing what You're saying to me. I'm not going to quote Mr. McRoberts 'cause two songs on one post is kind of crazy...lol Anyway, don't forget to read last night's post...I think you'll like it.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll have another chance to post before the end of the year or, I guess, the start of the new one, however you want to look at it, so here's my New Year's Blessing to you all: May God bless you and enlarge your territory. May His hand be with you and keep you from harm so you will be free from pain. May God bless your endeavors and pour down blessings. May you never forget what He has given you, and may you never, ever forget that He is Lord and that we are His children bought and paid for with a terrible price . May you always trust in the Lord with all your heart and all your mind and all your strength and may we never forget that He can do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!" (Eph. 3:20-21)

Do you think the Bible is a lie?

2006-12-28T21:57:00.000-06:00

Okay. So now that I've got your attention, realize that I believe the Bible to be truth. Every word of it. Every SINGLE word. I just wanted to make sure you read this post. If someone on the street had come up to you and said, "the Bible is a lie," what would your response be? Oh, no the Bible is truth! There's no way the Bible is a lie. We would be the first to defend God's Word...right?

So now think about this: You're faced with a seemingly insurmountable task, let's say, having to come up with $5,000 before the end of February. There's no way...right? Well, let's go over to Philippians Chapter 4 Verse 13. What does that say? "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." But there's no way you're going to come up with that money...right? By saying that, aren't we saying that the Bible isn't truth, when very plainly it says that we can do ALL things through Him who strengthens us? Not some, not a few...ALL.

Let's say you're as out of shape as I am and you have to run a marathon...26 miles...and if you run this 26 miles or whatever it is, something awesome is going to happen. Maybe someone will be cured of cancer, maybe you'll save the life of a family member, but first you have to run this marathon. There's no way, right? I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me.

A good friend of mine shared this little tidbit of information with me (thanks Kathy). How often do we sit back and say we can't do something. For me personally it's usually, I' can't lose this weight or there's no way I'm going to be able to get my bills paid. Every time I say that I can't, I'm calling God a liar. Every time. That had never occurred to me before. But then this good friend (thanks Kathy) ;) also had to tell me some hard stuff the other day. I'm pretty sure I was complaining or worried about something and talking to her and she said (and I'm paraphrasing) but she said, Hey, it's awesome that you have the faith that God can change your circumstances, change your financial picture, but what are YOU doing about it? Are you just sitting and waiting for God to move, or are you moving towards Him and meeting Him halfway? James says faith without works is dead. You can have all the faith in the world, but without works...well, you get the point. Had she said that to me two days before that, I probably would have hung up the phone on her. Have you ever had a moment where you just know that the words coming out of someone else's mouth is God speaking to you? Well, that's what this was. I knew that she was saying these words to me, but these were things I had been feeling for a long time, and I just knew God was speaking directly to me through her.

So here's what this post is about for me and you. How many times have you defended the Word of God and then turned around and called God a liar? Every time you say you can't do something you're calling God a liar. You can do whatever He puts in your heart to do. Now I'm not saying that if you knowingly try and do something out of God's will for your life that He will provide. If you're out of God's will intentionally, then you're on your own. But if you believe and you are trying to live a Godly life, I believe that He will provide your every need. EVERYTHING that you need He'll provide...everything.

Father, help us not to doubt You. Help us to know that if You've laid something on our hearts, that we can do it through your strength. You will equip us for whatever we need. Thank You for Your ultimate provision and guidance and help us to always see Your will.

God bless us all....everyone!

2006-12-24T23:52:00.000-06:00

Well, I just wanted to share with you guys a picture of my awesome Christmas tree. I had a little trouble getting it into the trailer, so I had to get creative and put it outside. You'll notice that I also decided (since the tree is so freaking big) that I should construct some building and streetlights and such behind it as a backdrop. I hope you enjoy my Christmas tree as much as I have this year! and have a blessed Christmas!

Pour Your Love Down

2006-12-16T18:26:00.000-06:00

I was going through some old papers that I had and stuff I had written this afternoon and found something that I wrote quite a while back, but it's crazy how it seems like I could have wrote it this afternoon. Keep in mind I don't claim to be a poet and all that stuff....

It seems like I've been waiting forever
Waiting for my life to start
But while I was waiting idle
I lost touch of my heart

I wanted You to move in me
Not knowing that You were trying
I just couldn't hear Your voice
And on the inside I was dying

Lord, I'm ready to hear Your voice
I haven't listened for long enough
I just pray that I make the right choice
Even though the path may seem rough

I was waiting to see You move a mountain
I had shut You out of my heart
Your word was always like a fountain
I just had to get out of the waters dark

Lord, pour Your love down
I'm ready to hear You speak to me
Turn my world all around
Until it's only You that I see

well...

2006-12-12T09:45:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to figure out what to post about for a couple days now. I got back Saturday from an AWESOME weekend in Louisville, KY. Caught a little bit of a vision -- or a lot of a vision that I hadn't had before. I'm excited about that. I came back, and I believe I was talking to Herschel on MSN and he asked me how the weekend was and I told him I was going to change the world. Now, I know you're probably like whatever. And these are the thoughts that have been going around in my head.

Do you know that if you make a difference for positive or negative in one person's life, you've changed the world...at least their world. It all kind of goes back to my reaching your dreams post. Are you doing what God has created you to do better than anyone else? Are you even seeking that? For a while I wasn't. I honestly thought that since I didn't like myself that God probably wouldn't want to use me. So I went on a mission of learning how to be a better person, how to be a leader, how to achieve my dreams, and how to become more than what I've always just figured I'd have to settle for. Not that my life was bad growing up, but I know that there's so much more.

Anyway, so books I've read recently...just about anything by John C. Maxwell. I haven't read his whole library of books, but by the end of next year I will have. Right now I'm reading a book by Andy Stanley called Visioneering. Fantastic. It's about rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem in 52 days. Definite read. I read Reaching Your Dreams by Tommy Barnett. I read the Gift by Shad Helmstetter. These are just a few that have helped me see that I don't have to settle for where I'm at right now. I can become a better person. I am becoming a stronger person. But I think the one I've read that has had the most influence on me, and I think you've all read it, is the Bible :) What I've been doing along with my other studies is I've been going through Proverbs a chapter a day. There's 31 chapters and usually 31 days in a month. It's the ultimate book of wisdom in life, business, you name it. I don't know how many times in there it some something about not marrying a quarrelsome wife...lol You want wisdom and direction from God? Proverbs is the book for God-given wisdom.

So why I decided to post on this is in one of my weekly newsletters I get there was an excerpt at the end of it about changing the world...coincidence? I think not. Anyway, here goes...hope you like it!

This is an inscription on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abbey:

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world.

As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change –
So I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country, but it too seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now I realize as I lie on my deathbed, if I had only changed myself first, then by example I might have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country,

And who knows, I might have even changed the world.”

generations

2006-12-04T14:35:00.000-06:00

remind me of this with every decision: Generations will reap what I sow. I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those who will never know. -- Sara Groves

read this...

2006-11-29T17:03:00.000-06:00

you HAVE to read this. It's one of the most beautiful things I've read in a while.

Also, I'm contemplating not finishing going through that book with you guys. let me know what you think!

conversations...

2006-11-26T15:39:00.000-06:00

"I don't know how to say this. I don't know where to stand. I don't know where to put my feet or where to put my hands. I've got them in my pockets. My fingers are freezing cold. They're wrapped around a ticket stub that's four weeks old. And I don't know how to say this."

I really don't know why I put that other than the title of this entry. Conversations is a favorite song of mine from Sara Groves. You should check it out. It's on her Conversations CD. Anyway, I wanted to share some thoughts with you on some conversations I've been having with God lately. There have been some HUGE things and changes going on in my life, but if you weren't around me every day, you'd probably never notice them. They're also things I don't talk about much because if I talk about them, I get pretty emotional because I can see the hand of God moving in my life preparing me for something. It's pretty exciting.

Looking back, it started about last September. I had a choice to make. Try to step into something that would possibly change my life or decide just to try and make it through where I was at like I had always been. Where I was at and where I had always been wasn't great. I was ready for a change, so I jumped in with both feet. That decision has made a huge impact on me. I'm working to change my life. I mean, let's face it...we all gripe about how things are going every now and then, but how many of us do something to actually get out of the spot we're in? I was raised that things just don't change. The way it is now is the way it has always been and the way that it will always be. WRONG! You and I can positively change our lives by following God's will for us!

So about these changes, I guess the thing that started it after that decision last September was that I started reading books. And not just fiction books. I started reading books by John C. Maxwell. I would recommend anything by this awesome man. These books opened my eyes to some things that I had never noticed before. The last book I read of his is called Today Matters. It's all about making the most of today because we never know if we're going to have tomorrow. After I read that book is when I made the first really visible change. I have two weeks to get my transcripts out most of the time. And most of the time I would be at the post office mailing the transcript out on the two-week date or even the day after, but most of the time on the two-week date. Which, was still within the guidelines, but just good enough and not great. With the exception of this last two weeks because of the computer crash, my transcripts have been going out within a week usually. They're usually edited and transcribed either the day of or the next day and ready to go to the proofreader! I can't tell you how much stress relief and TIME this has given me. Don't procrastinate. If it needs to be done, do it. I can't tell you how much it will bless you to have it done and out of the way!

Secondly, I read somewhere that I could add an extra 40-hour work week to my month by getting up 30 minutes earlier and going to be 30 minutes later and working about half your lunch hour. That got me to thinking. If I didn't have to be at work, I usually didn't get up till 9:30 or 10:00. I had it rough, let me tell you. I'd go to be at 12:00 or 1:00 in the morning, but still, sleeping that late was just wasting my God-given time. So now, very seldom am I up in the morning later than 8:30, and usually I'm showered and ready for the day by then. I'm so much more productive! I still stay up till 10:30 or 11:00, but I have a full and complete and fulfilled day. It's amazing.

I also gave up soda...cold turkey. I drank about 6 or 7 cans of Mt. Dew a day. Cold turkey and with killer headaches. It's not that I won't have a diet soda every now and then, but it was a crutch and not healthy for me.

This last and final one is still a work in progress (I guess all of them are). But this one I finally took the first major step last Wednesday. My house is clean with the exception of my bedroom and the spare bedroom, which will be done this week. For those of you who don't know, I am a TERRIBLE housekeeper. I was usually embarrassed if someone just happened to stop by. Now I want people to come over ALL THE TIME! Come on over! Keep me accountable...lol

So these are just some of the major -- may seem minor to you, but major to me -- things that have been changing in my life. Let me tell you why. The reason I've just felt so strongly that I needed to get these things in order is because of this conversation that I have had with God. I feel like He's been telling me for a while that He can't give me more responsibility if I can't handle what I've got right now. I won't be able to fully step into His will for me if I can't manage to get my work done, get up early, manage my money...my weight. Yeah, that's the next thing. I need your help and prayers desperately. I need accountability from you, and, yes, I'm asking for it, so bring it on.

Anyway, so here's what I keep coming back to in Matthew 25:14-30; The Parable of the Talents. "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So, also, the one with the two talents gained two more But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground, and hid his master's money.

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. Master, he said, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.

His master replied, WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT! YOU HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL WITH A FEW THINGS; I WILL PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF MANY THINGS. COME AND SHARE YOUR MASTER'S HAPPINESS!

The man with the two talents also came, Master, he said, you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.

His master replied, WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT! YOU HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL WITH A FEW THINGS; I WILL PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF MANY THINGS. COME AND SHARE YOUR MASTER'S HAPPINESS!

Then the man who had received the one talent came. Master, he said, I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.

His master replied, YOU WICKED, LAZY SERVANT. SO YOU KNEW THAT I HARVEST WHERE I HAVE NOT SOWN AND GATHER WHERE I HAVE NOT SCATTERED SEED? WELL THEN, YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT MY MONEY ON DEPOSIT WITH THE BANKERS, SO THAT WHEN I RETURNED I WOULD HAVE RECEIVED IT BACK WITH INTEREST.

TAKE THE TALENT FROM HIM AND GIVE IT TO THE ONE WHO HAS THE TEN TALENTS. **FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS WILL BE GIVEN MORE, AND HE WILL HAVE AN ABUNDANCE. WHOEVER DOES NOT HAVE, EVEN WHAT HE HAS WILL BE TAKEN FROM HIM.** And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

** I can't get italics off...sorry.**
Up until now I was the third servant. I felt like I was faced with another decision. Take control of all that God has given you or lose it all. I want to leave you with another scripture that was just recently on my daily devotion. It's 1 Chronicles 4:9-10.

"Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, 'I gave birth to him in pain.' Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.' AND GOD GRANTED HIS REQUEST."

I'm not talking about getting rich. I'm not talking about being successful in the world's eyes. I'm talking about stepping into the plans that God has for you, the one thing you were created for. Are you getting a handle on the small things so He can bless you with the big things? May God bless you and enlarge your territory and keep you from harm so that you will be free from pain.

FYI....

2006-11-16T23:08:00.000-06:00

It will be a little while before I post again...maybe Thanksgiving if we're lucky. My hard drive crashed and I've lost EVERYTHING. Now I'm in the process of putting it all back, what's left of it at least. All my pictures, my work, my files, things I'd written...down the tubes. Even the data recovery place said they couldn't get it and I'd have to send it off, but they probably wouldn't be able to do it either, and they'd charge more than what I paid. I thought $60 an hour was a little high, so I didn't even want to think about paying more. Anyway, I will return and with a vengeance!

CULTIVATING YOUR DREAM

2006-11-13T21:42:00.000-06:00

Okay. I know you've been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for this post, so here we go. "Every person's dream is different, but all dreams grow in the same 'soil." Four main ways to cultivate your dream are: 1. Prayer 2. Praise 3. Bible study and 4. Fellowship. Yes, basics of Christian life, but somehow easily forgotten a lot of times when it comes to discovering and cultivating a dream. One definition of prayer is when you converse with God about the dreams He put in your heart. This is one of if not the fundamental purposes of prayer. Our prayers should center around accomplishing God's will for our lives. God put dreams in our hearts...each and every one of us, so our prayers should be conversations we have with Him about those dreams and purposes. Did you know that some prayers are weak and can actually make God angry? I'm sure there are times when my prayers have been like that...selfish, self-serving, self-absorbed...get the picture? It's all about me, or so I tend to think sometimes...okay. Most of the time.

"Dreamless prayer is impotent prayer. God dislikes aimless chatter just as much as e do. You could pray twelve hours a day, but if there were no purpose or point to it, it wouldn't have any effect. It would be empty. God doesn't fellowship with nothingness." (emphasis mine) "Aimless chatter can fill our heads with purposeless thoughts and anxieties. But when our prayers spring from our passionate desire to fulfill our dreams, prayer becomes powerful. That's when we touch the heart of God with requests, observations, and meditations on the dreams He put inside of us."

Perfect Praise..."I believe God is less concerned with the "how" of praise than He is with the heart of praise. One peculiar Bible passage gives us a key to this subject. It says: 'Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have perfected praise.' -- Matthew 21:16....the word perfect in this passage means 'matured,' meaning that the most mature praise on the planet comes from a little child. How can that be? Jesus was saying that perfect praise is the first-time praise. It springs from the same fresh realization and wonder we feel upon experiencing something for the first time."

How often do we get so caught up in the day-to-day activities that we forget that each day is a new creation? Want a big secret? Approach everything as if it were the first time you were doing it. See what you get and then let me know your results. "I have first-time experiences every day of my life. It's called perfected praise, having the excitement of YOUR FIRST LOVE. The longer you serve God, the better it can get. Every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before." Don't you want to feel like that?

Bible Study...letting God's truths shape our thoughts instead of what's going on around us. The robe of righteousness is not tailored to us. We're constantly being tailored to fit the robe of righteousness. "Each of us comes to this present moment with a set of opinions, outlooks, and perspectives that were formed by countless factors: our upbringing, family, school experience, jobs, and so on. As we go through life, we may fit ourselves to many forms. Some people find a form they like and stay in it for the rest of their lives. Perhaps it was the form they received as children, as college students, or in a certain occupation. The question is not will your mind be formed, but what will form it?"

this is good..."Perhaps you have a cup of coffee or some other drink nearby. The liquid of that drink is conformed to the shape of the cup. You can bless it and turn it into holy water or add sugar or cream to it, but the shape of that liquid will remain stubbornly the same. To transform it, you must remove it from the cup that is forming it." Kind of like one of my favorite songs by Superchick...The view will never change unless you decide to change it."

Fellowship. "Everybody needs a place where they can go and share their dreams and plans with people who won't laugh or make fun of them. Fellowship is built on encouragement, . It should strengthen you, build you up, and help you to see your life and dreams more clearly." So many times we get together with the intention of good fellowship, and things just start going downhill. A negative comment here about someone and then another one, and then it just seems to go downhill from there. "Proper fellowship is powerful; improper fellowship can be destructive, even to those involved."

"The reason it's important to cultivate your dream with these four habits is because no dream will flourish in the wrong soil. You could choose to ignore these habits, but I can guarantee that your dream would stall, the excitement would go out of it, and you would lose that strong connection you feel to your destiny. Instead, cultivate a life of: Prayer, Perfected Praise, Bible reading, and Fellowship. Your dream will grow steady and strong!"

coming soon...

2006-11-07T23:10:00.000-06:00

chapter 3. My Internet's been down as has the whole Earthlink dial-up system nationwide for the past 24 hours. Anyway, it's coming....it's about cultivating your dream!

What's Holding You Back -- Chapter 2

2006-10-30T21:54:00.000-06:00

The first paragraph of the chapter is as follows: “To dream, to really live, means overcoming our own excuses and the barriers that confront us as we move toward our destiny. Some people get stuck on the way because of events in their past or obstacles that seem immovable. Other people are afraid of following their dream, so they employ avoidance techniques, busy schedules, and willful ignorance to try to drown out the voice in their heart that whispers, ‘You should be following your dream.”

1. You are defined by your past. “A person without a future will always return to his or her past…..Peter’s dream was crushed when Jesus was crucified, so he left town and went back to his old occupation: fishing.” But here’s the kicker: “When you are drawn to your past, it is because your dream has stopped drawing you to your future. Only a dream can give you the booster rockets to escape the gravity of the past. ONLY A DREAM gives you daily motivation to go forward, to keep your priorities straight, to help you distinguish between what belongs in the past and what belongs in the future.”

2. Unfinished business. If you have a nagging sense of unfinished business, it’s because you have not reached your full capacity by achieving your dream given to you by God. “Perhaps in the depths of your soul you know that you are neglecting your dream, missing your moment, putting your purpose in a drawer for a later time that never comes. The Bible identifies this as ‘double-mindedness’ and says it will make you unstable in all your ways (James 1:8). You won’t really accomplish anything lasting.” You may look stable, but are you really who you ought to be? If you’re not, there’s an imbalance there because you’re fighting who you are and who you ought to be.

3. Boredom and self-destruction. I think this is my main problem! “When you lose sight of your dream, boredom sets in – deep, pervasive boredom and unsettledness – and in the midst of apparent success it drives you to the hollow pursuit of pleasure and leisure.” I used to get so bored and restless that I would just drive to Evansville just to go to Target. It was insane. I’d be there for 30 minutes and come back. I also have almost left on several trips. I think the last one I planned was up to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Ohio. Never went, but I had the feeling that I had to go and do something. I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was. “People need a sense that they exist for a reason. They need the clarity that a dream brings. Where there is no dream, there is no order to life, no reason to live. We perish by confusion and disorder; we make a mess of everything.”

4. Disappointment. “Sometimes you dream, and that dream is shattered. The experience creates a deep wound in your heart that gets filled with disappointment, like a bitter well. You approach each new opportunity with melancholy and doubt stored up inside of you.” I’m sure none of us have been disappointed with how things have turned out in our lives. “Our momentary assessment of a situation is always affected by human limitations. We cannot always see what God sees, and much more may be happening than we are aware of….At some point you have to give your disappointment to God and trust His judgment, which is perfect.”

5. Oversatisfaction. “Some look at their life and pronounce it good enough. They hit the cruise control button and lean back instead of forging ahead. They become satisfied with slow, incremental progress. Instead of being drawn by a dream (given to you by God), they are drawn to enjoy the abundance God gave them, so they spend time planning vacations, buying recreational equipment, and turning a blind eye to their higher calling. They trade their dream for the pleasantness of present circumstances.” I don’t need to say any more.

6. Fear of battles. “Some people fear the battle so much that they abandon their dreams before they ever reach the battlefield; they never even try, or the give up quickly.” I always work something up in my head and I just know that it’s going to be awful, and when I get there, it’s not that bad. What if I got scared and never took a chance? “Anticipation will kill you quicker than the fighting!.....There will seldom be that moment of absolute conviction of victory as we embark on the dream path. If you wait for people to toss flowers at your feet and wish you success, you will be waiting a long time.”

“Courage isn’t just for comic book heroes and movie stars. It’s for anyone who will go after his or her dream. Life is going to be full of battles, no matter what. But when you dream, the battles are taking you somewhere….I don’t like fighting, and maybe you don’t either. I would rather be a peacemaker and follow my dreams outside the fray. But life is short, and the enemy strives against my dreams.” God supplies us to the power to fight, but He won’t supply it until we need it. We get it little by little along the way. You have to step forward first. Christ agonized in the Garden of Gethsemane before He was crucified, but then He got up and took that first step and changed the world. “The decision to follow your dream is often made in quiet places, in the middle of the night, with no fanfare or celebration, and with a deep sense of impending doom.”

Learn from failure. George Washington lost two-thirds of all the battles he fought. Babe Ruth struck out twice as many times as he hit a home run. God uses failure to educate us. Psalm 119:71 says, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” God uses failure to motivate us. When you get knocked down, it should give you resolve to try even harder. Nobody wants to fail again. God uses failure to cultivate our character and refine our dreams. Romans 5:304 says, “We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character.” Character that enhances our humanity and love for others. That’s character. “Failure softens our hears and makes us sensitive to others – less judgmental and more sympathetic.”

“God has called you to dream great dreams. He has called you to be creative, like our Master. He has made you to be an explorer, an adventurer. As you being the journey toward your dream, God will give you power along the way. With courage and God’s help, you will launch out of the starting gate and into your destiny.”

So...what’s holding you back?

Reaching Your Dreams

2006-10-26T23:17:00.000-05:00

Okay. So I know this is kind of a cheesy title, but it's the title of a book I'm reading right now that's rocking my face off. Honestly, it's going right along with all our Esther studies, I think. Let me quote to you the very first paragraph of the book and then you can see what I mean.

"Every one of us on Planet Earth was created by God to have a dream, a destiny, and a reason for living. When God created you, He needed something done on earth that nobody else could do, so He designed you to do it better than anyone else. There is a certain way you give love that nobody else can duplicate; a certain way you praise God that nobody else can imitate; a certain way you relate to people; a certain way you serve; a particular sense of humor you have; a particular way of singing, telling stories, building a business, designing, or decorating. You add something to this planet that nobody else can add. God receives special pleasure from you that he receives from nobody else."

Now, doesn't that make you want to read this book? Here's another excerpt: "That unique destiny, that dream, that special something you do better than anyone else is meant to change the course of earthly history. Each person has a moment when his or her dream and destiny can literally impact the lives of millions -- perhaps billions -- of people."....."As you walk through life, you have preplanned appointments and opportunities to carry out your destiny in a way that will leave a mark on this planet forever."...."By dreams.....I am referring, rather, to the goals and visions that fire your heart and saturate your soul with joy at the very thought of them. I mean those continuing visions of what you want your life to be at its highest level of fulfillment -- what you want to do, how you want to do it, what kind of person you want to become in the process."

I missed this Sunday school lesson, but I've heard a lot about it from other....God's name for you. God has a name for you that you will hear when it's your time to step into that destiny...your dream, per se. That thing that you just can't let go of no matter how many years you've tried not to think about it. Your name that God has for you is your destiny, from the way I understand it. How cool is that? Whether is be Mother, Father, Missionary, Teacher, Prophet, Soldier...it's your destiny.

In Esther 4:12-14 Mordecai had heard of the plot to wipe out all the Jews in a single day and was obviously devastated. In these verses he's talking to Esther when she tells him that she can't go into the king's presence without an invitation or she will be killed. This is my favorite part in the whole book...

When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your fathers family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?

If you think that God might be calling you by His name for you, awesome. Who knows that you were born for such a time as this? Step in to His will for you. God has you here for a specific purpose. Maybe you're going to change millions of lives. Maybe you're going to be the mother/father of someone who will change the course of history. Maybe you're going to change the person that's going to reach the world with the Gospel. Maybe, just maybe if God's calling us by His name for us that's what we should step in to.

"Most people don't achieve great dreams. They give up. They fall short. They get off track. They SETTLE. Or....they dream too small." -- John Maxwell in Dare to Dream....then do it. God might be calling you to do something that you think is absolutely crazy. It probably is. But if God's calling you, He's got a specific plan for that to have a part in your life.

"In America and other wealthy countries, oversatisfaction is the rule. People go to great lengths to expand their leisure time, reduce their work hours, and acquire items that help them relax: DVD players, jet skis, second homes, and third automobiles. We have made recreation a way of life.

Nothing is wrong with satisfaction unless you are oversatisfied. God hates it when we become too satisfied and quite pursuing our dream. It's a paradox that Jesus satisfies our souls but also creates a constant dissatisfaction within us to keep us moving forward. The prophet Amos said, "Woe to you who are complacent in Zion (Amos 6:1)" Paul said, "I do not count myself to have apprehended (Phil. 3:13)."

So here's my challenge to you: Don't be complacent. Go out searching for your dream, your destiny, that one thing that you can do better than anyone else out there. Go after your dream. Wage war against the things that challenge or hold you back. Once you step into His will for you, you never know...YOU could change the course of history! Who know but that you were created for SUCH A TIME AS THIS?

I'm compiling....

2006-10-26T16:10:00.000-05:00

I will tell you my next post is going to be on dreams and what we're created for and all that. Be thinking about questions and comments, but for right now I need to read a little more before I go and post something so profound it will knock your socks off...or just post something. I promise by tomorrow afternoon it will be here if not before!

seriously...

2006-10-16T16:01:00.000-05:00

What is going on? So I know that the place that we grow is in and through the valley But right now it seems like everyone that I talk to is going through something....right smack dab in the middle of the valley. God has got to be praparing us for something, and I think it's going to be big. Each of us individually in this blogsphere or whatever you want to call it -- at least the blogs I read -- have been talking about valley. My daily e-votion that I get was titled the God of the Valley yesterday. We talked a little bit about valleys in Sunday school and then a lot at Bible study. I think we're all standing in the trenches trying to fight our way up to the top of the mountain.

But here's the thing...even though I'm right in the middle of CRAP...lol...when I step back and look at what's going on -- I mean really step back and sort of disassociate myself with my life for a few seconds -- I see God moving. It kind of makes me excited.

This is where God moves. Nothing grows on the tops of mountains. It's in the valley and during the climb that we notice all of the growth within us and around us. This is where the best pictures are taken. This is where I've felt God move the most in my life. This is the journey.

Yeah, when I'm on the mountaintop, it's nice and awesome and God is real and relevant and did I say awesome? But when I'm in the valley God is real and relevant and awesome and I need Him more. You think that might be the purpose?

so...

2006-09-30T23:08:00.000-05:00

I keep coming to my blog hoping someone will have updated it for me with some clever and amusing tale of kings and queens or of those we don't speak of...but alas, I'm too busy cleaning to update myself, so here's what you've got for now. Sorry.

50 book challenge?

2006-09-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

So how's everyone doing with this challenge? I think at last count I was at 32 or 33. I've got a big stack I'm just ready to read, but time is a little short right now, but I think I'll get it by the end of the year! Way exciting!

I'm a little dissappointed

2006-09-17T21:04:00.000-05:00

http://everything2.com/index.pl?node=Earl%20Grey -- courtesy of Cheryl

Here's the story of Mr. Grey

who was Earl Gray?

2006-09-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

I'm just sitting here tonight trying to avoid the last 38 pages I have of an expedited transcript and drinking some Earl Gray tea. It's good stuff. But I mean, who was the guy? What did he do that was so great that he got a tea named after him? Was he just some rich guy, or did he do something really cool? Maybe the world will never know.

BRING ON THE RAIN!!

2006-09-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like a good rainstorm in the middle of the summer. I love sitting and just watching the clouds as they roll by, usually a little faster than normal. They’re all big and black, too. It just makes for an awesome sight.
I was watching a rainstorm the other day and it was another incredible sight. However, this time I noticed several layers of clouds that all seemed to be moving, but at slightly varying speeds and maybe a little bit of different directions. There was only one little spot in the sky that I could really make out all these different layers, so I focused on that for a little bit. It seemed that this storm system was several thousands of miles or whatever below the “real” clouds, and this storm system was really the only layer of clouds that we could see except for this little spot in the sky. Up above the system the clouds were still gray, but were just like you see on a slightly overcast day. They weren’t ready to dump any moisture or anything like that, but had the system not been there, it just would have been a regular cloudy day. But the awesome thing was that just for a moment those clouds broke open, and you could see the bright blue sky! It was extra bright against all the darkness of the clouds and the rain that day. It was just so neat that I tried to capture a picture of it on my phone.
You know, sometimes when we’re going through something, all we see is the storm system. It swoops in and seems to overtake our lives for the time that we’re in the middle of the storm, whether it be for a few hours or a few years. But the other day as I was driving and looking at that little spot in the sky I realized that even in the midst of an incredible storm, there’s always peace just waiting in the wings, just behind the clouds.

FOR THE GLORY OF GOD

2006-08-26T20:06:00.000-05:00

You know what sucks? I know you’re making a mental list right now, but quit that and keep reading this. But what I’m talking about is sin. Sure, it’s fun and sometimes makes you feel better for the moment, but in the end it leaves you empty. And then eventually you’ll have to pay for it later…sometimes literally.
And now you’re like, Well, duh, Jules. Everyone knows that.
I know, and you’re right, but I just realized that that was what I was in the middle of here. I know I’ve talked about my debt and finances and all that stuff before. If you’d had a conversation that lasted over 30 minutes with me, you know about it. Some of you know how it happened, but if you don’t, let me tell you. I call it medicative spending. When my nephew died at 3 ½ months old, well, you can probably guess I was pretty devastated. I had to make myself feel better some way. I chose to pamper myself rather than get in the Word and strengthen my relationship with Christ. Brilliant. Anyway, to make a long story short, now I’m paying for it…literally. Julie, you should be reading and studying. Nah, I think I’ll go buy myself a $700 guitar. I’m serious. This was a conversation I had with myself. I mean, I didn’t specify the price of the guitar in my mind, but that’s how it ended up. I mean, come on!
So, yeah, now I’ve realized that I’m in the midst of the consequences of my sin. I think subconsciously I always knew it, but it just hit me tonight. You know what I mean? So here’s the main point I want to make with this little entry. I made two really major purchases during that time frame. Most of it was stupid little stuff I’ve gotten rid of by now, but I did buy a brand spakin new computer, flat screen and all, and a rockin acoustic guitar. Let me tell you what’s really cool about these purchase and the revelation I had tonight. If I hadn’t bought my computer, I wouldn’t be writing these little entries and maybe touching some unknown life that happens to stumble on my page. I also have to have a computer to work. I wouldn’t be able to make money to pay off all my debts. I did have a computer before, but it crashed three times, so while I did need a new computer, I didn’t need the pimped out one that I got (at the time it was pimped out). God provided a way for me to be able to work hard and get out of this. Anyway, that’s lesson number one.
Revelation number two goes along with my guitar. Now, I don’t play very well, but God’s lead me to be a worship leader at church. The even crazier thing is is that I’m playing the guitar that I bought while I was in the midst of my sin…and He’s using it for His glory. God’s taking the product of my sin and using it for His glory. How cool is that! I’m not saying go out and sin so God can use that for His glory, but today He just spoke a word to me, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Anyway, I hope this might be a bright spot in your day, too!

we'll see how this goes

2006-08-18T18:29:00.001-05:00

myspace.com/julieshreve...you should check it out!

something is really wrong here...

2006-07-26T09:55:00.000-05:00

I have no sidebar. This sucks.

Bomb Pops rock my face off

2006-06-04T13:16:00.000-05:00

yeah, so I was just sitting here at my computer eating Bomb Pops like there was no tomorrow and trying to catch up on all of you all's blogs....there wasn't much catching up to do. I suppose you're all like me. You just have a hard time finding time to update your blog. It's been a busy world in Julieville. I've essentially been working two jobs. I've been a court reporter in my spare time...lol...while I've been building my Arbonne team. Things are going very well for us down here in Fairfield. Misty is driving her white Mercedes that Arbonne has paid for. Very nice. I'm going to try to get a picture of her, but if you're going to camp, you'll see it. I've actually qualified for mine, as well. So I'm hoping by the end of June I will be at the level where I can get that. Lots of excitement going on over here.

I've had to go to the ER a couple times for headaches and to get shots. Always an exciting time. Because of all the typing I do, tension just builds up in my neck and stays there and just continues to get worse until finally I have a killer headache that makes me spend most of my time in the bathroom until I can finally stop throwing up long enough to go to the ER. 20 minutes after the shots, I can't feel a thing. That's a headache...and those are some drugs....lol.

I'm trying to think about what all else has been going on, but really it's all arbonne and court reporting. I did, however, take the deposition of a woman who couldn't speak English. That was fun. We had an interpreter in the room with us. It was all very, very interesting...lol. Needless to say, I don't really want to do that again.

Well, that's all for now folks. Sorry about the long wait, and then the letdown of this post now that I've finally posted something, but at least it's something!

and I'm spent

2006-05-02T09:20:00.000-05:00

Can I tell you how exausted I am? But can I also tell you how rockin' God is? Well, I've been running and running like crazy and I've just felt wiped out the last week. Anyway, at Young Adult Bible Study I asked for prayer that I would get the rest that I needed. The next day I went to my depositions and then found out the rest of the week was cancelled! Yeah, God! Praise the Lord!

I'm sleeping in!

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore

2006-04-20T23:58:00.000-05:00

this might be a little rambled...sorry.

Well, I'm off to Kansas to try and help a new friend launch her business and to help me move on up. It's crazy how awesome this month is going. Once I finally started believing without having to see proof in front of me, it took off, and God is blessing my business. Belief is so powerful. It can save your life. Is there something you really need to believe in that you're having a hard time with? You have not because you ask not. I think, also, you have not because you believe not. What are you willing to do to reach your dreams? What if I tell you that all you have to do is believe?

What's the difference?

2006-04-15T21:53:00.000-05:00

I'm currently reading a book by John C. Maxwell called Dare To Dream.....Then Do it What Successful People Know and Do. I thought it would probably be a little cheesy, but I love it. Basically it's a compliation of stories of people who have dreamed and achieved their dreams in the face of criticism and failure all scattered in there in-between. One thing I thought was really good that I'd like to share with you all is the difference between a daring dream and a daydream. I'm going to put in a little excerpt from the book up here so you can read it. I loved it.

What kind of dream is it?
Daring dreams can be great things. Daring dreams have changed the world. Galileo had daring dreams to see the plantes and developed the first telescope. Lindbergh had a daring dream and flew solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Ford had a daring dream. So did Ray Kroc. So did John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. Daring dreams change the world.

But there's a difference between a daring dream and a mere daydream. One fires you up and moves you forward. The other is nothing more than wishful thinking. Daring dreams are hills worth dying on in order to take them. Daydreams do little more than make you want to nap.

Take a look at some of the differenced between the two.
Daring -- Dream Daydream

relies on discipline -- relies on luck
focuses on the journey -- focuses on the destination
cultivates healthy discontent -- cultivates unhealthy expectations
maximizes the value of hard work -- minimizes the value of hard work
leads to action -- leads to excuses
creates momentum -- creates inertia
breeds teamwork -- breeds isolation
initiates -- waits
embraces risk as necessary -- avoids all risks
makes you responsible -- makes others responsible

Think about your dream. Does it inspire you to work hard? Does it motivate you to take smart risks? Does it build you up? Will it benefit others around you? As you move closer to fulfilling it, will it bring you closer to who you were born to be? Those are all hallmarks of a healthy daring dream!

John C. Maxwell -- Dare to dream.....then do it what successful people know and do

do you want something more?

2006-04-10T18:22:00.000-05:00

What are you doing to change it...RIGHT NOW?

figures...

2006-03-28T16:51:00.000-06:00

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list.You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year.Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good.Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

word verification and porn invites

2006-03-27T21:54:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally have to do it. I have to turn on my word verification because I got my first solicitation for porn. This is freaking ridiculous. Used to all it would be was about the lumber industry or something stupid like that, but now it's porn, so I must shut down the spammers in my blog world. Anyway, just thought I owed you and explanation to why you have to type in stupid letters every time you want to comment on my blog now. Please don't stop the comments, though!

I must admit...

2006-03-23T19:20:00.000-06:00

I haven't been reading everyone's blogs like I used to for about the past week. You know I had to play catch-up today and read all that I hadn't read. Good stuff people. Those of you who haven't updated in a while made my catching-up day pretty easy, though. NFB has a pretty good blog about the meltdown on Wife Swap or some show like that. Read it. I'd also like to welcome a couple new bloggers into the world of Blogger: Crazy Vols Fan and Ame. Check out their blogs. Crazy Vols Fan needs to update, but when she gets time and gets moved up here, maybe she will! Ame has a great blog. I love reading it AND she updates pretty regularly. You can't beat a good blogger that updates.

I'm not sure if I should be worried or proud...

2006-03-20T12:48:00.000-06:00

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

The final chapter...

2006-03-19T16:51:00.000-06:00

Once again, this is the final section of the Relevant article by Cameron Conant.

"My problem is that I want all the advantages of community and none of the obligations. Community is hard work. To enter into it, I must give up my time and resources. Jesus talked about this, about losing ourselves in order to find ourselves. Some of that happens when we enter into community and begin 'doing life' with those around us -- whether it's friends from church, people from other faiths, co-workers, or next-door neighbors. When we do this, we are often forced to check our independence at the door, yet the paradox is that we somehow find it as soon as we rid ourselves of it.

Community is also difficult because we have a tendency to compartmentalize our lives -- to think of our 'spiritual life' as different from our 'regular life,' to think of our 'church community' as different from our 'neighborhood community.' And when we begin compartmentalized, we miss the point entirely. We begin thinking that community has an on and off switch, something we choose rather than something to which we are inextricably connected.

'Community is not a 'value-additive' to faith,' says Doug Pagitt, pastor of Solomon's Porch in Minneapolis and the author of Reimagining Spiritual Formation. 'We are always in community; the question is what kind.' He notes that asking him about the theology of community (which I did) is like asking him about his theology of air. 'It is just what we breathe and what we need to live.'

Pagitt emphasizes the value in long-term engagement built on vulnerable relationships. That's foreign to those of us used to getting things instantly. Is there a book you want to read? Hop online and have it delivered tomorrow. Want to watch a movie? Try 'On Demand' video and watch it this minute. But community is a slow marinate of experiences and personalities that refuses to be cooked on high for two minutes. Relationships take time. My best friend is not someone I met yesterday.

But as Pagitt points out, relationships are not the same as community. Oftentimes, small groups have a tendency to create a sense of 'smallness' rather than a sense of 'communalness,' a sort of 'I know you, you know me, now we are both known,' Pagitt says. We have a tendency to confuse relationships with community, but while they are similar, they aren't the same. Relationships are certainly a part of community, but community is something much bigger than we are.

Maybe Hillary Clinton was right. Maybe it does take a village. I'm realizing that community is worth another try. Maybe I'll try to make it to the next Supper Club. It isn't the answer, but it might just be a step in the right direction."

Well, that's the article. Sorry it took so long for me to get it all out, but it was pretty long and I wanted you to digest each part of it individually. I think it's an excellent piece of writing and am curious to what you all have to say about it!
peace out

part three...

2006-03-18T18:52:00.000-06:00

...coming soon.

Part deux

2006-03-15T15:06:00.000-06:00

Once again, this is part II of the article by cameron conant in the newest Relevant magazine!

"The first person I thought of was Ben Irwin, a 29-year-old editor and seminary graduate who attends Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Mich. -- one of America's most progressive evangelical churches. Ben resembles his church -- full of interesting thoughts on theology and life -- and as an editorial director for a publishing company, his circle of contacts includes many provocative writers and pastors.

"What is community?" I asked Ben. The question was ironic; when my wife left more than a year and a half ago, Ben became a close confidant, a crucial part of my support system.

'My mind first goes to what it's not,' Ben said. 'I think we've thought that community is getting a bunch of strangers together in a small group to share their deepest, darkest secrets rather than a group of people who are on some level experiencing life together."

'People who are collectively experiencing life together.' I liked his definition and thought that it provided a solid definition for the article.

'It's funny. I'm pretty outgoing and yet I fear community,' I said. 'For example, the people at my church are wonderful, but I still have trouble entering into their lives and letting them into mine.'

'I think it's hard because it's so foreign to everything we know,' Ben said. 'Our whole worldview is oriented around awareness to self...but there was a time when self wasn't the starting point. It wasn't the reality.'

it was a brilliant point -- the difference between Western and Eastern thought; the fact that our Western culture, with its emphasis on self -- and in American thought, on "rugged individualism" -- is very different than the Eastern way of thinking, the sort of thinking that we see time and time again in the Bible.

'There once wasn't a sense of an individual apart from the community,' Ben said. 'Look at Paul's description of the Church as a body -- not each person as a body, but each person as a part of the body. When one part rejoices, the whole body rejoices; when one part suffers, the whole body suffers. We don't know what that's like. It's not second nature for us, and it takes more than signing up for a small group to make it second nature.'

I have joined small groups in the past, usually to see them fizzle out or to see my interest -- along with my attendance -- wane. I've started attending a mainline, liturgical church. There, I've joined a "Supper Club." The gatherings involve a dozen people eating dinner in someone's home. There is no book to work through, no Scripture reading required, nothing. People just talk and eat. It's as low pressure as you can get, yet I've still missed the dinners several times. I'm still hesitant to commit, hesitant to get to know people and include them in my life.

I am the rugged American individualist."

okay...that's it for part deux 'cause my wrists are killing me, but stay tuned for next time when we'll finish the article!
peace out!